Sonic's Last Bet
by jackattack555
Summary: Radman's funniest fic, brought back from the dead by jackattack555! When Sonic bets that he can have fun with each one of his friends, what will happen? Insanity!
1. The Bet

**Sonic's Last Bet**

All the characters have fun differently? What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!

I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"

* * *

**Chapter 1: The Bet**

"Sonic, let's do something fun," Tails whined, "Can we, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, PleasE, pLeaSe, plEAse, PLEASE?"

"Like what?" Sonic said as he rubbed his temples.

"SOMETHING FUN LIKE EATING BAGELS!" Tails screamed.

"Eating bagels isn't really fun you retard," Sonic said, "Did you have sugar today?"

Tail's eye started twitching uncontrollably, and he started babbling in what appeared to be fluent polish.

"I'll take that as a yes." Sonic sighed. Tails got right up next to Sonic's ear and then yelled, "HEY SONIC!"

"What the hell is wrong with you Tails?" Sonic screamed.

"Sonic, can we do something fun, can we, please, please, please, please-" Sonic covered Tail's mouth with his hand.

"If you shut the hell up, I promise that we'll do something fun."

"OKAY SONIC, YOU'RE THE GREATEST! LA LA LA LA! HAM! PICKLES! YOUR MOM'S TOES!" Tails screamed.

"Okay... right. Anyways, how about I throw a party so I can dump you on Knuckles or Shadow and stuff?" Sonic said more to himself than to Tails.

"Only two problems with that idea," Tails said in the straightest face you can image, "First off, donuts don't need to have holes in them, they do it that way so they can eat the center, and secondly, pink tutus aren't allowed." Sonic sighed and slapped his forehead.

"Why don't you like go watch TV for a bit, I'm gonna call everybody and invite them to the deathtrap- I mean party!!1!!1!!1!!666!!Elevntymillion!!Yomomma!!Pie!!"

And so, Sonic pushed the speed dial for Knuckles' cell phone.

"What is it, Sonic. Make it fast, I'm busy." Knuckles asked.

"Uh, yeah, well, it's really important. Eggman stole the Master Emerald, and he says that he's gonna take a pee on it if you don't help him conquer the world. I tied him to a chair, but he won't tell me where the thing is!" Sonic lied.

"I'll be right over!" Knuckles was furious. Apparently he didn't notice the Master Emerald sitting right next to him. And the moment he got up to go over to Sonic's a large mechanical hand reached down, and picked up the Master Emerald. Then, a terrible evil laugh which was more like a girl clown's laugh than anything remotely evil was heard booming through three feet of space.

When Knuckles got over to Sonic's he literally burst through the door.

"Aw shit Knucles, you broke down my door!" Sonic lamented his five dollar door.

"Where's Eggman?" Knuckles demanded. Sonic promptly pulled out an Eggman plushie he had bought on eBay while Knuckles was on his way. At first, Knuckles stared at it with infuriation on his face. And then he looked up with a grin and said, "You own an Eggman PLUSHIE!" He then fell over and started laughing so hard that you'd have thought that someone just sniped Ossama Bin Laden, Barnie, That old guy that lives across the street from you, and Big the Cat with one shot. After about two hours of continuous laughing, Tails started laughing with Knuckles. Finally, Sonic had enough.

"I DON'T WANT ANY MORE FOOD! ENOUGH!" He said, pushing his plate away. Then all of the sudden, Knuckles got serious and said,

"Not funny Sonic, now what do you want."

"WTF! You just... oh, never mind. I wanted to let you know that I'm throwing a party!" He squealed.

"And... exactly who do you think will go to your party?" Knuckles chuckled.

"What do you mean who will go to my party!" Sonic yelled.

"Well, you aren't exactly the funnest guy in town. When I came over, I was at a party at Shady's. He's already thowing one. And trust me, choice between your party and his party, but sorry, going with the Shademiester." Sonic looked like he had just seen a ghost.

"Shadow, is more fun than me? Whatever, I have fun all the time!" Sonic boasted.

"Yeah, fun that you like. Nobody else likes the stuff you think is fun."

"Well, I could have fun with people, and them say that it was fun."

"How much you wanna bet Sonic." Knuckles said finally.

"What?" Sonic said is disbelief.

"You heard me. How much you wanna bet?"

"Ha, I bet you two hundred dollars!"Sonic said proudly.

"Alright then, here are the rules. You have to spend a day having fun with every member of the team, and at the end of the day, they have to agree that they had fun. If they don't you have to spend time with them until they say that they're having fun. If for any reason, you refuse to complete the bet, you lose."

"Ha, is that all?" Sonic said confidently.

"We will see. I'll tell you who your partner is at the beginning of every day. Also, I will be recording you and listening in to make sure you aren't refusing the person, or you'll lose the bet. Got it?"

"Yeah, that sounds fair." Sonic admitted.

"Alright, I'll talk to you tomorrow then."


	2. Cream the Rabbit

**Sonic's Last Bet**

All the characters have fun differently. What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!

I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"

I also don't own Signs, Barbie, Rap music (thank God), Hanna Montana, or the symptom Tails has. (RACAIPS: Random Asshole, Crazy And Insane Psycho Syndrome). This disclaimer will make sense eventually.

Note: the more you review, the more you get to view. In other words, the more reviews I get, the more anxious I am to update.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Cream the Rabbit**

Sonic woke up the next morning and opened his eyes to find his room had been egged from the inside, using brilliantly hard boiled eggs. _God, Tails is a retard! _Sonic thought. Just then, he heard a crashing boom coming from downstairs.

"Speak of the devil, and you'll hear the flutter of his wings." Sonic said to himself. He slowly walked downstairs with his eyes closed, with the intention of easing himself into the sight. However, he didn't account for the fact that stairs are hard to walk down with your eyes closed, especially when a certain retarded fox tackles you like you're a giant salami. Tails tackled Sonic's legs, sending both him and Sonic rolling down the stairs to apparent serious injury.

"Tails, what the hell was that?" Sonic exploded. And then, he saw the living room. The ceiling fan had been torn onto the ground, there were half eaten meals smudged into the carpeting, Tails had managed to draw a picture of Sonic being decapitated on the walls, and worst of all, the TV was nothing but a sparking piece of metal.

"Oh my THIS PHRASE WHICH SONIC SAID HAS BEEN CENSORED OUT OF THE STORY TO KEEP A T RATING, Tails, you BEGINS WITH F destroyed my house, you ISN'T FANCY OR FRENCH CENSOREDtard!" All the while that Sonic had managed to use the F word at least 17 times in one sentence, Tails stared off into space, seemingly innocent and unknowing. "I'm gonna get some coffee." Sonic said as he began to go in the kitchen. Before he could though, Tails, having a sane moment apparently, said,

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. Bad stuff happens in there." There was a long silence, and then Tails randomly screamed "I LIKE TURKEY!"

"Right... Tails, get some therapy, or a gallon of ritalin, or something!" While he was screaming Tails out, Sonic's last functional possession, his cell phone, rang strangely louder than normal. When he answered, he heard static, and a little girl told him that it meant that aliens were coming.

"No, you're in the wrong movie. You're looking for the _Signs_ movie set, okay?" After he had ushered the lost actor off to her set, his cell phone rang again.

"Yo, Sonic." Knuckles yelled.

"I can hear you just fine you fricking retard!" Sonic yelled back.

"I was just calling to tell you the person you have to entertain today, and to let you know that they are going to put the recorders on you." Sonic thought back to his bet. He didn't really want to go, he would probably be bored, emberassed, or freaked out. He then looked down at Tails sucking on his shoe, and decided that anything would be better than this.

"I'll be right over." Sonic said. "Okay Tails, I've gotta go. You stay here and do whatever it is that you do all day." Sonic said. And with that, Sonic was out the door.

* * *

Sonic skidded up to Knuckles' house, tripping over a conveniently placed rock, and skinning his knees, and the tip of his nose. Overcome with enough pain to criple an ant, he began screaming loudly. He must have screamed for at least twenty five and three quarts of a minute (and 2.5 seconds) before he realized that Knuckles was a retard and that if he really was dying that he would just sit there. With that, he got up and went inside. When he stepped into Knuckles' house, he was not surprised with what he saw. There were entire scale model towers of the empire state building build solely of out rap CDs, and there was a 32x without a Genesis sitting by his TV. Sonic had not thought Knuckles smoked, but there he was, puffing away on a cigarette.

"Yo, knux man." Sonic said as he gave Knuckles the "pound". Which severely hurt his hand and caused him to roll on the floor in fain for exactly five seconds.

"Sonic, your assignment for today is Cream the Rabbit. Let me just run through the rules once again. The person has to personally state that they had a good time. I will be listening in to make sure that you don't break the rules, and you can't refuse them any activity, no matter how ridiculous and stupid, or you lose the whole bet. All right?"

"This is gonna be easy!" Sonic said confidently.

"Why don't you talk about how easy it is after you've done it for a little while." And then, Sonic sped out in the direction of Cream's house. Everyone had already been informed of Sonic's bet, and at least 75 of them were spying on him from the nearest tree. The other 25 were hunched around Knuckles' speaker listening in. They all knew what their part was. When Sonic got there, he greated Cream with a "Hey Cream, I'm here to play with you. So what do you want to play?" Sonic asked, unaware of just how torturous playing with a little girl could be.

"Well, first let's play Barbies!" Cream said. Sonic stared at her for a whole two minutes before calling up Knuckles.

"Knux man, I can't do this. She wants me to play Barbies with her!"

"Oh man. I'd better get over there with my camera so I can sell the pictures on eBay!"

"I hate your God damned guts Knuckles!" Sonic said as he slammed his phone, even though it was a cell phone.

"What's wrong Mr. Sonic, you aren't going to finish your contest with Mr. Knuckles?"

"Yes I am! I'm not a chicken, and I'm not afraid! Alright Cream, let's do it!" After at least half an hour of Sonic being the Ken doll, and Knuckles hiding in a bush photographing him, (and him and Cream using storylines which were like crappy rip offs of Seventh Heaven), Cream got bored.

"So now what do you want to do?" Sonic said, strangely bored out of his mind and mortified at the same time.

"I know, let's watch Hannah Montana!" Cream squealed.

"But you can do that without me." Sonic agrued.

"Are you turning down the bet Mr. Sonic?" Cream grinned. Knuckles had offered 190 dollars to the one who could make him lose it and throw in the towel. No literally, he wanted Sonic's towel. He also offered 199.99 to the one who could make him lose the bet. They all were determined to be the most obnoxious.

"Fine, I'll watch your stupid Hannah Montana!" The sad part was, Sonic started to enjoy it, and Knuckles filmed it. They watched Hannah Montana for at least two hours, and then Sonic got really freakin bored and asked, "So what do you want to do now."

"Well, how about we take care of my Chao?" She decided to stop being utterly cruel to Sonic, she just didn't have the heart to truly break him.

"Damn!" Knuckles said from the bush. "Cream's just not the one. Somebody else is gonna have to do it."

"We can hear you in that bush Knuckles." Sonic said as he threw a rock at Knuckles' head.

"OW, you retard!" Knuckles yelled.

"Hey Cream, how about we pelt Knuckles with rocks instead. That sound like fun?"

"Yeah, let's do it!" Cream half yelled half whooped. And so, they threw rocks of various size and resemblance to Michael Jackson at Knuckles, who simply stood in his bush and let himself be pelted with rocks. Finally, it was Cream's bedtime.

"Thank you Mr. Sonic, it was fun!" Cream said.

"We should do it again sometime." Sonic said.

"Thanks for coming."

"Thanks for having me. Come on Knuckles." And with that, Sonic drug the knocked out Knuckles back to his house. He thought about returning home, but decided to sleep on Knuckles' couch that night, lest he have to return and see what Tails had done to his house, provided it still existed.


	3. Amy Rose

Sonic's Last Bet

All the characters have fun differently. What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!

I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"

Note: thanks for the reviews everybody. Make sure and visit my new forum, the address is on my profile. There, I can talk directly to you about my fics.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Amy Rose**

Sonic woke up to find the house still. He looked at his unfamiliar surroundings, and then remembered that he had slept over at Knuckles' to avoid seeing the destruction that Tails had assuredly wreaked on his home. Sliding his feet off over the side, he got up to make himself some breakfast.

"Let's see," he said, rummaging through Knuckles' fridge. Soon, he was frying some eggs.

"HEY SONIC!" Tails jumped out from nowhere and screamed, causing Sonic to put his hand on the pan, burning him.

"Ow ow ow ow! Oh my God, you little retard!" Sonic screamed.

"Hey Sonic?" Tails asked all serious.

"What is it?" Sonic replied, wary of his friend's insanity.

"Why is the earth flat, and why are you here at Knuckles'?"

"The earth is round you fricktard! And I'm here to avoid YOU!"

"Oh... wahh!" And with that, Tails ran crying like a four year old from Knuckles' house. All the while, Knuckles had already gotten up and was watching the whole ordeal.

"Wow, Tails must bug you a lot." Knuckles commented.

"Yeah. I can't believe that he turned into such a retard."

"What happened to him anyways?" Knuckles asked.

"I don't know." A long silence filled the room.

"Well, now that you're done being tormented by your little demon boy, you can get back to being tormented by me and the rest of the gang!" Knuckles said just a little too enthusiatically.

"Joy." Sonic replied.

"Sucks to be you, don't it." Knuckles joked.

"You have no idea." Sonic said, while slowly slamming his head into the wall.

"Alright, your person for today is Amy." Knuckles said.

"Oh, Ames? That'll be easy. All I have to do is set up a fake date with her, and she'll be happy as a clam."

"I wouldn't be so sure of myself if I were you Sonic. You've already experienced the horrors of a little girl, so now you must experience the terrors of a stalker." Knuckles ushered him out the door.

"Yeah, whatever." Sonic ran toward's Amy's place.

* * *

"Sup Ames, I guess we got a date today." Sonic said.

"Oh Sonic, how I've waited for this day! Now you can finally tell me how you really care about me, and we can live happily ever after."

"Right... It's just one date Amy, I'm not like signing my soul over to you or something."

"Oh yeah? We'll see about that."

"So what do you want to do?" Sonic asked. Wrong question to ask buddy, wrong question. Amy got a very evil look on her face, and was just about to tackle Sonic when he said

"Uh, Amy, can I make a call first? He he."

"Sure, but make it fast." Sonic dashed over and hid in the bush which miraculously existed in everyone's yard, and dialed Knuckles.

"Hey, Sonic, what's wrong?" Knuckles said smoothly.

"You can't make me do this Knuckles. She's going to frigging rape me or something!"

"Do I hear you saying 'Yes Knuckles, I'll send the two hundred dollar check over right away'?" Knuckles tortured.

"...No." Sonic said slowly.

"Heres some advice Sonic. Just keep telling yourself, 'Two hundred dollars, two hundred dollars.'" Knuckles hang up at that. Sonic sat there in the bush for a little while before Amy grabbed him and started dragging him into the house.

"Come my pretty, we have places to go, people to do!" (A mix up of the phrase, people to see, things to do)

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sonic did an exact copy of the Darth Vader no from Revenge of the Sith. Amy's mailbox even started shaking. When that door closed, you heard one scream, and all was silent.

_Rougly twelve hours later_

Sonic limped back to Knuckles'. Let's just say that Amy didn't waste any of the twelve hours they had. As he walked, Sonic kept repeating,

"I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life..." to himself. When he finally got back, he met Knuckles inside.

"There, happy? Now that I've been sterilized for the next twenty years, would you say that I won this part of the bet?" Sonic said.

"She never said that she had fun." Knuckles noted. With that, Sonic lifted him up in the air and slammed him into the ground.

"Alright, alright, you win this round." Knuckles sulked. "Oh, and by the way, Tails destroyed the couch."

"So where am I supposed to sleep?" Sonic whined.

"I don't know, either go home or camp out on the carpet."

"CENSOREDhead."

* * *

**Well, what did you think? It's short, but I think you'll agree that if Amy had an unrestricted, truth or dare like twelve hours with Sonic... this is what she would do. In case you hadn't figured it out, It's called his last bet to say that this bet very well might kill him, and if it doesn't he'll certainly never make a bet again.**


	4. Dr Eggman Robotnik

**Sonic's Last Bet**

All the characters have fun differently. What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!

I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"I do not own Halo, Microsoft/Bungie does.

Note: thank you to Darkspine Shadow, who is more or less the inspiration for my "Amy rapes Sonic" plotline. In my opinion, he executed it much better than I did, and is a much better comedian than me. So if you want to see some real humor, check out "Meet the Dooms".

Second note: I just realized that I contradicted myself in the first chapter. At first, I made it seem like Knuckles was guarding the Master Emerald when Sonic called him, which implies he was on Angel Island. Then, he tells Sonic that he was at a party at Shadow's. I would like to inform you that he really was just guarding the Master Emerald, and made up being at Shadow's party as an excuse to not have to go to Sonic's. He then saw the potential to get Sonic to make a bet, as he is a chronic gambler. For those of you who believed that Shadow could actually throw a party, see: Shadow and Omega: Quest for a House. Shadow has no house. Even if he did, he wouldn't throw a party. For those of you who believed Knuckles, go through the McDonald's drive through and order a life, a brain, and a large fry with extra salt.

Third note: you suck. In other news, you, yes YOU can help decide Sonic's fate by voting in a poll on my profile page to decide who Sonic has to entertain next. Then, watch as I put Sonic through every horror imaginable by using this character. Vote now, as new chapters go up fast!

* * *

**Chapter 4: Dr. Eggman Robotnik**

Sonic woke up with Tails sleeping on top of him, curled up like a cat, and drooling on his face. Quickly pushing him off, he groaned and rubbed his ravaged lower portions, still quite abused and sore from yesterday's horrific ordeal. At times he wondered why he insisted on winning this bet. After all, it was only two hundred dollars, right? But it was more. He couldn't admit that Knuckles was right! He had to prove him wrong, just to do it! And that motivated him to do crazy things. Sonic really needed to take one of those classes on avoiding peer pressure. After he had consumed yet more or Knuckles' food, Sonic sat down on the- oh wait, Tails destroyed the couch... sat down on the floor and watched TV. Knuckles woke up, and came downstairs in pink chao covered pajamas, complete with bunny slippers. Sonic burst out laughing when he saw him, and wouldn't stop until the destroyed Black Comet somehow passed Earth again on it's fifty year loop. When Sonic finally stopped, Knuckles said

"Are you done?"

"Yes... HA HA HA!" He laugher for at least another decade, but when he saw Tails growing a beard, he figured it was time to stop.

"Alright Knux man, who gets to put me through living Hell today?" Sonic said.

"Lets see..." Knuckles said pulling out a rather long list which trailed so far that it rolled out and around the entire earth and came behind where they were and kept rolling. Hey, don't blame me that Sega decided to make so many God damned characters, and make them all so retarded. "Eggman."

"WHAT! You retard! Eggman's not even our friend? How am I supposed to entertain him? Besides, he'd kill me!"

"Oh, don't worry about that, I bought you some life insurance. Also, I just saved ten percent on car insurance by switching to Geiko!" Sonic's eye started twitching.

"YOU CENSORED RETARD!" Just then, Tails started running around repeating after Sonic.

"Nice one Sonic, you just taught Tails the F word." Knuckles said.

"Who gives a crap! He can't get any more God damned annoying, might as well give him a curse word dictionary so he can learn how to curse fluently in Japanese, so that when the next Sonic game comes out, he can cuss out Jun Senoue and Yuji Naka!" Now it was Knuckles' turn to have the eye twitch.

"By the way, I was just kidding before, I didn't buy you life insurance. I should have though. I made everyone who signed up sign a waver agreeing that they wouldn't kill you, but it was your fault if you commited suicide to avoid having to do anything..." Then, Knuckles' eyebrows did the wave.

"Stop that!"

"Stop what?"

"That!"

"This?"

"Yeah, that!"

"Oh, so you have something against people who have highly flexible eyebrows eh? Your one of those racist people eh? I bet your in one of those stiff eyebrows supremacy groups! I have a dream. A dream that one day, my children will be able to sit down with the children of former non eyebrow wigglers, at a table of brotherhood. I have a dream that they will be judged by how... um... gooder they are instead of the wigglyness of their brows. I have a dream."

"Okay... I'm going to go now, before I catch your retardedness. I heard that it's contageous. Gotta go!" So Sonic raced towards Eggman's newest base. As usual, even though Eggman said he wanted Sonic to come inside, Eggman's robots tried to destroy him, and failed, as usual. Once he had gotten inside, Eggman menacingly said

"You're late." It was very dark. All that you could see was the doctor's shining glasses, and a poster of Jessica Simpson on the walls. But that's not important. Or is it? O.o Just then, Eggman threw the light switch to reveal a party room. There were scientific geniuses partying like only nerds could.

"Wtf? A party? For what?" Sonic said.

"My birthday!" Eggman replied. "Seeing as you are my most worthy enemy, I figured that I would invite you to my party, and we could have a good time!" Then Sonic felt really guilty. He had thought for sure that Eggman was going to do something evil, but he genuinely wanted to have fun with him. He invited him... to his birthday party?

"Gee, sorry Egg, but I didn't know, or I would have brought you a present, or something." Sonic couldn't keep his eyes off the floor.

"Oh, it's perfectly alright! Now, who wants to have a conga line!" This complicated matters a bit, seeing as Sonic was a little over three feet tall, and the other people were full sized humans. He managed to get kicked in the face quite a bit. After they had utterly exhausted a conga line, Eggman said, "Alright, gather round everyone! We've hooked up exactly seven Xbox 360's and were going to have a Halo 3 tournament!"

"Here's something I know you can't beat me at Eggie."

"I wouldn't be so sure, I can be a real nerd sometimes." It was surprising since he was mixed in with such a large gathering of nerds, but Sonic did extremely well. Only Tails had ever beaten him before, and that was back before he went insane. It came down to Eggman and Sonic. Eggman's screen-name was THE EGGMAN, and Sonic's was Sega Lord. Eggman had a Spartan Laser, but Sonic had a pair of SMG's and fully loaded on plasma grenades. When they finally met, there was a climactic battle where Eggman simply lasered Sonic and killed him without Sonic even getting a shot out. Sonic couldn't believe it. Eggman had beaten him. THAT NEVER HAPPENS!

"Congratulations on holding out as long as you did little guy, I am a master. You're officially a nerd now!" When Sonic realized that they had just nerdified him, he did the same Darth Vader ROTS no from last chap.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!1!!1!!1!!too!!many!!exclamation!!points!! When they realized that Sonic wasn't really a nerd, but just really damn good at Halo, they preceded to use him as the party pinata. For future reference, nerds do not generally have very high hand eye coordination. Every single one of them managed to hit him in the groin at least once. In between screams of pain where he sounded like he was on a gallon of helium, he managed to think, _Well, look on the bright side. Amy won't be able to rape me again for at least a month, maybe two! _The scientists then 38th class mailed him back to Knuckles. Five years later, the package finally arrived, Sonic shaved off his beard, and settled in on the floor of Knuckles' house.


	5. Jet the Hawk

**Sonic's Last Bet**

All the characters have fun differently. What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!

I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"

I do not own: Star Wars, Barnie, Weird Al's Songs, Lord of the Rings, or Different Strokes.

Thank you to all who voted in my poll to decide Sonic's fate, and the character who annoys him. There will be no next poll, as you all were annoying, didn't vote, didn't review, and don't reply to me. I couldn't even make the next chapter till you all got off your asses and votes, so to hell with that, I'm not patient enough. I will be chosing the characters from now on, and you can all screw yourselves for all I care. I don't care if I get one hit a chapter, I'm going to keep updating until it's finished.

Note: I got so few hits on this chapter, I am considering discontinuing the series, as nobody is voting in my poll to even decide who will be the char for the next chapter. If you think that it should go or stay, express your opinions on the matter to me through PM. If I receive nothing, I will discontinue the story.

Second Note: the list Sonic reads is not the actual characters or order they will be in, in the actual story.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Jet the Hawk**

Sonic woke up and the world was upside down. Or rather, he was standing on the ceiling. He was terrified that he was going to fall on his head, and screamed for about fifteen seconds. When he realized that he wasn't falling, he tried to pull his feet off the ceiling, and found they were superglued/cemented to the surface.

"Seven in the morning and already my day sucks!" Sonic screamed as he pulled harder. He pulled harder and harder, until finally, he came free... and fell and smacked his head against the floor. Tails thought that this was extremely amusing, and Sonic screamed,

"Did you cement me to the ceiling you CENSORED retard, Tails?" All the while, Tails was giggling uncontrollably, and Knuckles said,

"No, I did, but it wasn't THAT funny."

"Why the HELL did you do that?" Sonic yelled.

"Why the HELL were you born? What PURPOSE do you serve? And why in the CENSORED HELL does the author have this weired obsession with RANDOMLY using all CAPS words for NO good REASON!" Knuckles screamed.

**Now just see here you little CENSORED, I'll use all caps whenever and wherever I want, and for no good reason when I fell like it. For as long as I am writing this story, I am god of this world, and can manipulate everything you do as I please! **I boomed down from my keyboard.

"Changing subject before we all get smited." Sonic quickly said.

"Is smited even a word?" Knuckles asked.

"Just shut the HELL up and tell me who the next retard who gets to torture me is."

"Today, you can be tormented until you beg to be killed by... Jet the Hawk!" Knuckles said strangely proudly.

"Didn't he get fired by Sega for being druggie? He was always on like fifteen gallons of helium, crack, and meth at the same time." Sonic said.

"I didn't day that the character had to work for Sega..." Knuckles eyes started shifting.

"Let me see that list!" Sonic grabbed it. "Obi Wan Kenobi, Barnie, Weird Al, Frodo Baggins, Willis from Different Strokes! These are all people totally unrelated to me or my series! Wtf do you have them on the list!"

"Just shut up and go." Knuckles said.

"Fine. CENSOREDhole." When Sonic arrived at the address, he didn't see a house. He quadruple checked the address to make sure he was at the right place. What he saw was a structure made of four large cardboard boxes, with a shoddy sign reading a barely legible address. He walked up and knocked on the... cardboard, knocking it over.

"What the hell is wrong with you moron!" Jet the Hawk screamed as he came out and saw Sonic there. "Oh, it's you eh?"

"Yeah. So why the cardboard?" Sonic asked.

"I don't have a job anymore, so I sold my house so that I could keep buying my drugs for awhile!" Jet screamed.

"...That's nice... so what are we going to do?" Sonic said.

"Here, try some of this man!" Jet said, shoving some crack at Sonic.

"Uh... that's very kind of you, but I think I'll pass." Sonic said carefully.

"Suit yourself!" Jet then snuffed a large amount of the stuff up his beak (wtf, his beak?), and started acting like he was going to sneeze. He then preceded to sneeze a large amount of cocain mixed with snot all over Sonic.

"Just CENSORED kill me now!" Sonic screamed. Then, he saw thunderclouds gathering above him, and heard a large booming voice that said,

"If that is your wish..."

"Nevermind, I'm fine now!" he yelled at the clouds. Too late. A bolt of lightning arched down and struck Sonic full force, knocking him to the ground.

* * *

When Sonic woke up in the hospital, he saw Knuckles and Tails by his side.

"What happened?" Sonic asked.

"You got struck by lightning. How many times have I warned you not to insult the mighty one/author?"

"Uh... none?" Sonic replied.

"Shut the CENSORED up!" Knuckles yelled back.

"How did I survive?" Sonic asked.

"Well, your heart stopped beating. Good thing that someone was around to give you CPR!" Knuckles said.

"...You?" Sonic said slowly.

"Me? No, I don't care enough. It was Big the Cat!" And with that, Sonic fainted. When he woke up (for the third time that day), he was laying on the floor at Knuckles' house. When Knuckles saw he was awake, he walked over and said,

"You'd better get moving."

"Moving for what?" Sonic said.

"You only have until the end of today to get Jet to say that he had fun, and it's already three in the evening." Knuckles said.

"CENSORED!" Sonic rushed off to his doom. Despite how much he thought that Jet was going to try to make him take drugs again, all they did was race around for five hours on their hoverboards. At the end of the day, Jet was being retarded/high, and saying,

"Gee, t-t-t-t-t-t-th-th-th-th-tha-than-tha-thanks S-s-s-son-sonic for r-r-r-racing with m-m-m-m-abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz-e, it was f-f-f-f-GEE I WISH I WOULD DIE NOW!" And then, a bolt of lightning fell from the heaven's and vaporized Jet. Somewhere off in Japan, someone cried that there would be no Sonic Riders 3. But only one person. Everyone else threw a party. At the party, Knuckles commented,

"He never finished saying it."

"He was in the process, it still counts."

"Whatever CENSOREDtard." Knuckles said.

"Son of a CENSORED."


	6. E123 Omega

**Sonic's Last Bet**

All the characters have fun differently. What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!

I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"

I do not own any meaninful ideas. It's true.

If you are not reivewing me, I would like to let you know that it's people like you who are causing me to consider ending the fic soon.

Note: nobody will ever know whether Sonic said "censored" or the s word. Not even me. You'll see what I'm talking about.

* * *

**Chapter 6: E-123 Omega **

Sonic woke up on the floor of Knuckles' house, with random party stuff thrown all over the place, but especially on top of him. He was quite happy. His experiences with being near neutered by scientists with terrible aim had finally paid off. At the party last night, Amy had tried to rape him again. Let's just say his water cooler wasn't dispensing. He had quite a good time, and as he got up, he brushed the party stuff off himself, and went to comsume more of Knuckles' food. He always ate a large breakfast, seeing as most of his day was usually dominated by being tormented by some retard. Just as he had sat down contentedly in front of the TV and began munching on some cereal, Tails jumped in front of the screen and started waving his arms around in that annoying way people do when you know that they are trying to be annoying and interrupt your show.

"Would you move your fat, good for nothing, worthless, slimy, no good, half rate, two tailed, yellow bellied, canine, made in china ass out of the way of my TV show!" Sonic yelled.

**You were supposed to censor his swearing idiot, turn the stupid piece of CENSORED back on. **

"It's on oh almighty author!" My tech crew replied.

**Good. Now every time this moron gets CENSORED off, the little eight year old's mind's won't be corrupted. **Sonic slapped his forehead.

"We've already had uncensored language multiple times, so why don't we just uncensor it all! Why censor stuff when uncensored swearing has already been displayed!"

**SILENCE WORM! IT IS MY FANFIC, AND I WILL DO WHATEVER I PLEASE WITH IT. MY ADORING FANS DEMAND THAT I CENSOR YOUR CENSORED ATTEMPTS AT DIGNIFIED LANGUAGE!**

"You just swore yourself!"

**SILENCE!**

"Oh, never mind! Hey Knux, let's just get on with it and start off with you telling me who is going to be CENSORED today."

"Everyone is going to be censored today. The author censors us all, every day. E-123 Omega however, gets to be CENSORED to you." Knuckles replied.

"Isn't that that one robot that follows Shadow around everywhere?" Sonic asked.

"Yeah, pretty much." Knuckles said, while toying with his 32x without a Genesis.

"Oh, all that I have to do is program him to say he had fun." Sonic said.

"You're not smart enough to figure out how to do that. Now if this bet was against Tails..." He then stopped and saw Tails trying to chase his tail. Or rather, both of them at the same time. "I take it back. If this bet was against Eggman..." Sonic held up a picture painted by Omega of himself decapitating Eggman.

"Wtf! He's a robot, how can he make art!" Knuckles said.

"Don't ask me, all I know is he's the next Davinci, and hates Eggman's guts."

"If he's the next Davinci, does that mean they're going to make a biased left wing movie based off of him, which claims that Jesus had an affair with Mary Magdaline?"

"Shut the HELL up!" Sonic screamed, quickly running out the door. Fifteen seconds later he was back. "The robot doesn't have a house, does it." Knuckles shook his head. "Where can I find it?"

"With Shadow."

"How do I find him?"

"Oh, thats the easy part! Just take Rouge hostage!" Knuckles said.

"And the hard part?" Sonic asked.

"Oh, avoiding getting killed by Shadow when he finds you." Sonic audably gulped.

"Great. Knuckles, if I die..."

"Yes, YES! I'm in your will?" Knuckles asked.

"No. Stay away from my funeral, and keep Tails away from it too."

"Who the hell do you think will go!" Knuckles yelled.

"Eggman, Yuji Naka, and Shadow." With that, Sonic rushed out. He came back moments later with Rouge tied and gagged. He threw her into a closet and laughed evilly.

"Now all we have to do is wait." And wait Sonic did. A good four hours he waited. Still no Shadow. Another three hours. Still no Shadow.

"Hey, uh retard, don't you think you need to call Shadow and make your demands for him to know you kidnapped Rouge and come to rescue her?" Knuckles said dryly.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Hey!" He said as he snapped his fingers, "I've got a brilliant idea! How about I call Shadow to make my demands, so he'll know I kidnapped Rouge and come to rescue her!" Sonic exclaimed.

"Brilliance Sonic, sheer brilliance." Knuckles said sarcastically. No sooner had Sonic hung up than a black blur appeared in the house. When it stopped, the form of Shadow was standing before them, with an enraged glare on his face.

"Give me Rouge, and I won't have to kill you faker!" Shadow seethed.

"Alright! Could you tell Omega that I need him?" Sonic said.

"Just give me Rouge already!" Shadow growled.

"Why do ya want her so bad Shady, got a crush on her? I bet I know was you two do all night at Club Rouge!" Sonic said. Shadow's arm shot out and his hand wrapped around Sonic's neck, choking him and lifting him off the ground. Sonic kept squirming until Shadow was satisfied that he'd learned his lesson, and was dropped. Tails then began to annoy Shadow in every way imaginable. Shadow stood there and steamed, obviously quite pissed. Finally, he put out his hand, and Chaos Speared Tails eleven times. All that was left when he stopped firing bolts of energy at him were his ash filled shoes and a hole in the floor behind him which the bolts had made after passing through him. Knuckles and Sonic simultaneously let out a,

"Yay!" and another party was thown.

"I would like to propose a toast!" Sonic said, "to Tail's deadness!" Everyone echoed

"To Tail's deadness!" At the party, Sonic found Omega.

"Hey Omega."

"Yo homie, whats trippin ya'll?" Omega replied very robot like, and yet, very ganster rapper like at the same time.

" Uh, I need to have fun with you." Sonic thought about it for a moment and then said "That sounds so wrong..."

"Yo, there a sick problem with yo homie here. Yo ol homeboy here can have none of that bad, fun stuff. It ain't down with that. I's a robot see's? We don't do fun." Omega replied.

"What the HELL is wrong with you? Are you broken? Robots aren't supposed to be like that!"

"My homie Shads like totally tricked out my programing, and now I got it on with my bad gansta self." Omega said.

"Doesn't matter I guess. If you are incapable of having fun, the bet doesn't count."

"Stupid flesh sack." Omega said.

"What?"

"This unit was pretending to be a 'ganster' the duration of our conversation, for purpose of completing 'fun'. Objective 'have fun' accomplished by means of 'annoy subject: Sonic the Hedgehog'. Thank you for your assistance in completing the objective subject: Sonic the Hedgehog. This unit suggests that you speak to subject:Knuckles the Echidna, on completed bet." Omega said.

"Well! I will. Thanks Omega."

"You are quite welcome subject: Sonic the Hedgehog." Omega waited until Sonic went away, and then said "Whew. Now that he's gone, I can get back to getting down my my bad self." He then turned on his rap again.

"Ha! Omega said that he had fun!"

"But that's impossible, Omega is a CENSORED robot! How can he have fun."

"He has a sense of humor, so he can have fun."

"I guess you win this round too..." Knuckles said slowly, then quickly added, "you suck."

"What was that?"

"Nothing ya'll. Yo, Omega my man, let's rock this place with some o yo rad robot rapping!"

"This unit will gladly oblige." Omega rapped on, into the night.


	7. Black Doom

**Sonic's Last Bet**

All the characters have fun differently. What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!

I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"

I do not own any meaninful ideas. It's true.

There is a new poll on my profile page. The winner of the poll (or at least, the fic idea with the most votes) will be made into a new fanfiction!! The rest will have to wait ;)

All my religious jokes are all in good fun, I make fun of my own religion too, so you can't whine. Besides, it's fun!

I actually hate rap, except when Weird Al does it.

I don't own Monty Python, Cast Away, or your soul. Yet.

When I write a word, and it's followed by (?), even I'm not sure how it is physically possible.

Check out my other fic "How to tick off the Sonic characters" where I make fun of all the characters and generally try to piss them off.

* * *

**Chapter 7: Black Doom**

Sonic woke up with even more party stuff on him than he had on him when he woke up yesterday. _No Tails to bug me!_ Somewhere off in a secret base, Eggman was still screaming

"No Tails to bug me!" Shadow was a hero. Why Sonic didn't think of capping Tails earlier, we'll never know, perhaps it's because out of the three sainest, smartest, and not retardedest people in this fic, he's at the bottom. Today, he ran out to eat, as he figured he'd mooched enough of Knuckles' food for awhile.

When he got back, there was no Tails to scream at him, and annoy the hell out of him, which was unusual. He sat down on the floor (there's still no couch, remember), and decided to read until Knuckles came down. Fifteen minutes later, he thought, _So this is how much you can read in fifteen minutes without an evil crackhead trying to murder you! I never knew I could accomplish this much in an hour! _Soon, Knuckles came down in his same pajamas, and made himself some coffee.

"Sup Sonic."

"Morning Knuckles. How many days in a row have we had a party every day? We could like do it again today again just to start a tradition."

"We could, but we have to shop for a new couch, and then you still have somebody you need to entertain." Knuckles said inbetween sips of scorching coffee. "By the way, how can you take this much time off work?"

"I don't have a conventional job. All my money comes from royalty fees people have to pay to use me." Sonic said proudly.

"In other words your a hobo now." Knuckles duly noted.

"Pretty much." Sonic replied.

"Alright, how about this. If we can find another couch, and you can get your person to admit they had fun with you by eight, we'll throw another party."

"That would be like the fourth party or something this week, including Eggman's birthday party!" Sonic said.

"We also have to figure out another problem." Knuckles sighed.

"What now?"

"We don't need to do it today, but eventually we have to find another fly character since Tails got pegged with fifty million Chaos Beams of Doom by Shademan."

"Wonderful." was Sonic's sarcastic retort. Soon, they were off on a valiant quest.

* * *

_**Yuji Python and the Holy Couch**_

One day King Sonic and his trusty knight Sir Echidnalot were walking around, clanging together coconuts in their hands to make a riding a horse sound effect. Soon, they stopped on a random sidewalk crossway, while the light was green. Ignoring shouts of "Move asshole!" from people in nearby cars, Sonic looked to the heavens, and he saw the face of his author, in all it's glory appearing to him! He fell down in his knees and began bowing muslim style.

"Oh almighty author the wise, the merciful, the intelligent, the skillful, the awesome, the incredibly handsome, the-

"That's not how it happended at all!" The real Sonic said, interrupting my tale.

**SILENCE! I SAY IT WAS THAT WAY, AND SO IT WAS WRETCH! YOU ARE MINE TO COMMAND! Now, where was I...**

"the ruler of the universe, the sweetest thing to ever exist, the-"

_"That is enough slave."_

"What would thou have me do oh Lord of the universe?" Sonic said.

_"Go unto the city of somewhere. There, thou shalt find thyself and thy friend a new couch. Thou needest this holy object of mine mercy, for thou butt cheeks art getting very bruisedeth with thou sleeping upon the unholy floor." _

"But oh God, creator of everything, how wilt I know whence I have discovered the holy couch of your mercy?"

_"I say unto you oh faithful servant King Sonic, DO YOU THINK I GIVE A DAMN HOW YOU FIND IT! FOR GOD'S SAKE, EITHER GET IT OR ROT IN HELL! In my mercy of course." _And so, Sonic and Knuckles pranced about, looking high and low for any signs of a couch. Once they tried to steal one from an old lady, and got severely beaten by the wrath of her mighty purse. Once, they had to fend of the terrible guardian of the couch, a ridiculously fat persian cat who refused to get off the couch they were trying to move. They tried taking one from the evil King Egg, who sicked his army of robot Knights on them. They got it, only to discover it was metal, and wouldn't do anyways. Just when they were about to give up, they saw the most perfect couch in the world, with a light shining down on it from heaven. Just as they were running up to claim it, a chicken jumped at them from behind it.

"Stand aside friend, I will take care of this one!" Sonic said, drawing his sword(?), even though he had neither a sword nor a sheath two seconds ago. Sonic and the chicken were locked in epic combat. Finally, Sonic sliced the chickens wing off. "Ha! Now how will you fight me!" He turned around to get the couch, and the chicken started attacking him with the other wing. He sliced it off. He started to bend down to try to pick up the couch (which would have herniated him anyways), when the chicken started kicking him in the leg. He stood there staring at it awhile, as if very annoyed, before slicing that leg off. The chicken started head bonking Sonic in the shin. The sliced it's other leg off. "There, now you can't do anything stupid retarded CENSORED chicken!" But when he turned, the chicken rolled on top of the couch and took a crap on it.

"OMFG! YOU STUPID GOD DAMNED CENSORED, CENSORED, LITTLE CENSORED, SON OF A CENORED CENSORED CENSORED!!" Sonic screamed so loud that people ten year in the future heard his echo. The chicken smiled(?) with satisfaction, just before Sonic cut it's head off. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!" Darth Vader no from ROTS "That was the perfect holy couch!" Knuckles patted Sonic on the shoulder to comfort him.

"This may not be a good time, but couldn't we just go to the store?" Knuckles suggested.

"You CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSROED, that's the worst GOD DAMNED idea I've ever heard." Sonic waited a second, and then said "Wait! I've got a brilliant idea, let's to the store to get one!"

"That sounds like a great idea!" Knuckles didn't even realize what Sonic had done this time.

And so, five minutes and a hundred and fifty dollars later, Sonic and Knuckles (although mostly Knuckles were carrying the couch back home when a flock of chickens flew(?) over, seeking revenge for their lost comrade. They started bombing the area with droppings.

"Holy shit!" Sonic screamed.

"Wow, literally, holy shit!" Knuckles yelled back. "We've got to save the couch from the holy CENSORED!" The censorship machine miraculously turned back on as soon as my gag was over.

"I'll shield it with myself!" Somehow, Sonic's body shielded the entie couch, and Knuckles carried it home unharmed. Sonic then showered all the holy crap off of himself.

"Alright, what time is it?" Sonic said.

"Six thirty, you only have an hour and a half to make... Black Doom, have fun, or your party's screwed." Knuckles said

"God dammit!" Sonic rushed off to the crashed temple on a deserted island where Black Doom and his volleyball Spalding lived.

"Oh, is that what your brother Wilson said!" Black Doom conversed with his volleyball with a very bad face drawn in purple crayon on it. Let's just say three fingers aren't good for much.

"Hey Doomboy." Sonic said.

"Who the HELL are you! Oh wait, you're that goodie goodie friend of my rebellious offspring Shadow, aren't you!"

"Uh... I guess?" Sonic answered.

"What's up man!" Doom yelled.

"Are you insane?"

"If I'm not, then you must be stupid, since you thought that I am. If I am, what are you doing talking to a crazy person?"

"...Touche." Sonic said. "So, what do you want to do that's fun?"

"How about we decapitate innocent humans, and drink their blood while it's still alive, and we run our fingers through their brains, and bite off their testicles!" Black Doom said.

"Two things. One, you have no mouth, so you can't do a single thing on there except run your fingers through their brains. Secondly, how about I give you a twenty and you tell Knuckles that you had fun instead."

"Thirty."

"Fourty."

"Fifteen, take it or leave it!" Doom yelled.

"Okay... fifteen. Whatever." Sonic said as he pulled out a fifteen dollar bill(?), gave it to Doom, and sped off. He arrived one second after 8:00.

"You're too late."

"Once CENSORED second! You have this party, or I will show you, not tell you, the list of things Doom wanted me to do." Knuckles eyes got very wide, and he silently picked up his cell phone. Then, at the party, Black Doom, Knuckles, and Omega had a trio rapping thing. Knuckles had this huge golden necklace that said "KE", and the Master Emerald(even though it was stolen), hanging around his neck(?). Omega had chains, a can of WD40, and a laptop hanging from his neck. Doom had lot's of alien blingage Mr T style. They all had rapper hats(even though Doom's head is wide, and Omega's is flat). They all rapped. Eggman rapped about how he was the fattest of them all, Omega about how nerdy he was, etc. Then, their speakers(?) exploded.


	8. Silver the Hedgehog

**Sonic's Last Bet**

All the characters have fun differently. What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!

All you who read and know, bow before my holiness. Just kidding! Enjoy the chapter!

I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"

The spelling errors in this chapter are intentional. Most of them. I swear. No, really.

Lots of notes. I'm starting to make it a practice to appear in every chapter. I mean, Shadow get's mentioned in every chapter, and I've only been doing this since Jet's chapter, I deserve a little spotlight too! And it makes for some really bad gags.

I do not own any meaninful ideas. It's true.

I do not own Star Wars, StarCraft, or Weird Al. I do not own Dr. Who. (I just had to do a Dr. Who crossover). And I don't over a TARDIS. I do own a delorean though, and I do actually own Sonic 06. Yes, I was one of those poor people cheated out of their money by Sega. CURSE YOU SEGA! CURSE YOU! -Waves a picture of Shadow in my face- Ah... -drools- "So... awesome!!" GASP! I ONLY PUT FIVE EXCLAMATION POINTS! THE WORLD MUST END!

-BOOM!-

I do not own your soul. I'm sure some of you would be more than happy to give it to me though ;)

When I write a word, and it's followed by (?), even I'm not sure how it is physically possible.

Thank you to Jarkes for supplying the character for this chapter. All gags in this chapter are either mine, or borrowed from Silvs chap in "How to tick off..."

* * *

**Chapter 8: Silver**

For some reason, even though Sonic and Knuckles now had a couch, Sonic was still sleeping on the floor. Once everybody had left the party, the chickens had started attacking again, and they had stayed up all night fending off the terrible breasts- I mean beasts! (You can't tell what I'm thinking about at all, can you? O.o) They were both covered in enough feathers that they would have made very convincing crappy anthro birds. This time, it was Sonic's turn to drink all the coffee. _If I'm going to get up first, I might as well get the first coffee! _Then, he heard the door open. He looked to see who had come in, but saw nobody.

"Woo! I am the ghost of Tails! Woo!" The sheet covered figure who stood next to him said all ghosty-like.

"C'mon Charmy, knock it off! We don't have time for your shenanegans!" Sonic said as he pulled of the sheet to reveal empty air. He jumped and dropped the overly large sheet that belonged on a king sized beg back onto the petite figure.

"WoO! Woo! wOO! WOo!" Tails said. Knuckles was already down.

"I always wondered how Tails capitalised random letters of his speech... What do you wish foul spirit!" Sonic replied.

"I have returned to get my ultimate revenge! Woo! First I will kill my murderer, Shadow! Then I will spend an entire day eating clams! Finally, I will annoy you for all eternity!!" One guess how Sonic replied.

"NO!! Wait a minute... Shadow can't die, why do I care if you eat clams and get bloated, and I would die of old age before an eternity had gone by anyways."

"FOOL! Uh... I will kill Shadow anyways! And this ghostly body is not allergic to shellfish, so I can eat as many clams as I like!" Tails replied.

"Oh, okay. NO!!"

"Sonic, how come every time you do that, you manage to put even more exclamation points on the end of the word?" Knuckles said.

"I... I don't know... it always just sort of... happened." Sonic said.

"Well this is just great! Tails is back, and now he's not allergic to shellfish, so we don't have anything we can repel him with!"

"We've got to figure out some way to get rid of him permenantly!" Just then, a white hedgehog fell to the ground from a portal which popped up in the middle of their house.

"Hey chicken butt!" Tails screamed, apparently back to his normal self.

"Hey albino freak, why are you back?" Sonic said.

"Iblis trigger, I have come to repair the future!" Silver said in his whiny, high voice.

"Not again! This is the fourth time!" Sonic screamed.

"You're just in time. Sonic needs to entertain you for a day."

"How about this, Sonic, if you help me repair the future, I'll agree that I had fun."

"Agreed. I wouldn't want you screwing the future up anyways. Which you always do."

"Right. Any questions before we begin?" Silver said.

"It might be nice to know how the future is damaged so I can figure out how we might be able to fix it." Sonic said dryly.

"Alright. When Shadow killed Tails, Tails became immortal by becoming a ghost." Knuckles interrupted by saying,

"I don't believe in ghosts you hippy!"

"One of your boss fights involves nothing but a giant evil ghost thing with a gay looking rainbow tongue, retard!" Sonic screeched.

"Oh. I still don't believe in ghosts."

"THEN WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK TAILS IS, YOUR MOM? HE'S A GHOST YOU CENSORED RETARD!!InsertRandomWordsHere!!" Sonic yelled so loud that Professor Gerald somehow heard him as he was creating Shadow over fifty years ago,in Space Colony ARK.

"I still don't believe in ghosts."

"It doesn't really matter whether you do or not, since it is me and Sonic that have to do all the work anyways." Silver interjected. "Now, as I was saying... Tails became immortal by becoming a ghost. Somewhere in time, he found a cloning machine, and made millions of copies of himself. Now, in the future, we are plagued by millions of invincible copies of THAT retard!" He said, his finger shakily pointing at Tails.

"So what do we do?" Sonic said.

"The way I see it, we have three options. Option number one: we go back in time and prevent Tails from being born/kill him in early life. Problem: if he ever saved someone's life, or contributed something essential to an adventure or a plan, etc, that contribution would be erased from existance, and you might not have stopped Robotnik in the new future."

"Ouch. Not liking option number one." Sonic replied.

"Alright then, Option number two: prevent Shadow from killing Tails, so that he never becomes a ghost, and in the future, all his clones will be destructable."

"Wouldn't they just turn into ghosts after you kill them?"Knuckles interrupted.

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, problems: the clones may then turn into ghosts, but at least then we'll be no worse off than before!"

"True. What's the third option?"

"Well, we could also go to the future, and prevent Tails from reaching the cloning machine, either by destroying it, or by some other means. Problems: that's not the only cloning machine in the world, and he would still be there and immortal, and one indestructable Tails is one too many!"

"I agree whole heartedly. We should do a combination of number two and number three. Stop him from becoming indestructable, and destroy the cloning machine just to make sure!"

"Can we get some hamburgers? NO MAYO, OR YOU DIE!" Tails blurted.

"I rest my case. Only a crazy person doesn't like mayo!" Silver said.

"Alright, let's do it!"

"Uh... we need to either find a delorean, or get two Chaos Emeralds."

"Both of you guys are retarded, all we need is a TARDIS!"

"What the HELL is a TARDIS?" Silver asked.

"A method of time travel." Knuckles replied.

"How are we supposed to find one of those?" Sonic said.

"Easy, I'll just call up Dr. Who, and he'll take us whereever we need to go."

"Just who is Doctor Who?"

"That's exactly who he is! He's Dr. Who!" Knuckles replied.

"Thanks Knuckles, that explains everything!" Silver said.

"No it doesn't, it doesn't explain why you exist!" Knuckles countered.

"I'm a meaninful and unique character who has an established place within the Sonic community!" Silver whined in reply.

"Name on meaningful thing, one unique thing, and one established thing about you?"

"Uh... I have meaning in my valiant quest!"

"Gay back to the future rip off. Please, continue."

"Um... I'm unique in that I have my psychokinesis, and I'm... uh... grey?"

"Rip off jedi power, stupid fur color."

"I'm established in a bunch of games."

"Crappy 360 game that nobody bought, two worthless PSP games, and a sequel to the worst Sonic racing SPINOFF to ever grace the Wii, and all of the sudden you're an established characer?"

"Alright guys, the doctor is here."

"Greetings. I have heard that you required assistance in reaching a point in time. Where is it that you need to go?"

"About... two days ago." Sonic said.

"I see. Step here please." Dr. Who said, as he montioned them to the TARDIS. Once they had stepped in, they dissapeared from that time, and appeared two days ago.

"Stop, Shadow, don't do it!" The second Sonic said.

"Hey me, what are you- I mean what am I doing here?" That time's Sonic said.

"I don't know, you tell me!" The future's Sonic said.

"PARADOX!" Knuckles the future Knuckles screamed.

"Right... you're all CENSORED freaks, so let me remind you that you are holding Rouge for ransom. Let me take my girlfriend and-" Shadow covered his mouth with his hands, but the words were already out. Simultaneously, both Sonics pointed a finger at him and started lauging in unision. Also in unision, both Knuckles' said

"It wasn't that funny."

"Just- Argh! For the love of- Oh, never mind, you're probably hiding her in this painfully obvious closet, marked with 'We are hiding Rouge here, you will never find her.' What genius thought of that?" Shadow said.

"I did!" both Sonic's said.

"Right. I'm outta here." Shadow then ran off with Rouge, bridal style,

"Our mission is complete." Silver said.

"So now what do we do?" Knuckles asked.

"Oh! Silver and I still have to have fun!" Sonic said.

"I know, let's do something where I have a ridiculous advantage over you do to my powers!"

"Well, it won't be spelling, cause you just misspelled 'due' in SPEECH! I didn't even know that it was possible to misspell stuf while you are taking!"

"Shut up!"

"Besides, you agreed that if I helped save the future, you would agree that you had fun!"

"But I wanna do something fun anyways!"

**SILENCE! I grow tired of listening to you... **

"But, you're in control. You could make us stop being annoying at any time."

**SILENCE! Your miniscule brain is not capable of comprehending my greatness! I provided you with a couch, and this is how you repay me?**

"We bought the couch. There's nothing you did to give it to us."

**SILENCE! I gave you the Holy Couch of Antioch. Tis not my fault if thou is incapable of fending off one measely chicken!**

"Are you ever going to stop justifing yourself and actually do something worthwhile?"

**SILENCE! Like capping you and Silver, and Knuckles, and Tails, and..."**

"Hey, while he's distracted with the stupidly long list of characters, let's make a run for it!"and so, Sonic, Silver, Knuckles, Dr. Who, Tails, Cream, Amy, Eggman, Metal Sonic, Big the Cat, Mighty, Chris Gayhead, Shadow, Rouge, Black Doom, the President, the President's Secretary, Marine, Gamma, Omega, Froggy, Cheese, Chocola, Amy, Dark Oak, Chris' Dad, Chris' Mom, Emerl, Gemerl, Vector, Charmy, Espio, Jim Raynor, Luke Skywalker, Weird Al, Blaze, Black Doom, Mephiles, Princess Elise, Werewolf Sonic, Scourge, Princess Sally, Bunny Rabbot, Rotor, that one french dude, the Babylon Rogues, the baby Rouge was pregnant with O.o, and Ray the Flying Squirrel all jammed into the TARDIS and went home. I'm sure that some obscure characters were left behind, but I can assure you... NOBODY CARED!


	9. Miles Tails Prower

**Sonic's Last Bet**

All the characters have fun differently. What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!

I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"

I do not own any meaninful ideas. It's true.

I am the real wise master of retardedness.

Aren't you guys glad I stayed up to all ungodly hours of the night finishing this chapter instead of sleeping in the night before I went on vacation, so that you guys would finally have an update? Never say that I don't do anything for my fans.

By the way, Amy will probably rape Sonic about five hundred times in this fic. By the end, there will probably be a Sonic Jr.

**To Jarkes on his review:** Yes, Silver's appearance did have to revolve around time travel, a) I was satiring how pointless of a char he is b) he's from the future, how am I supposed to include him without doing a shitty back to the future parody. -- I can't. Blame Sega for their pointless and retarded character, not me. It would be helpful if you could tell me what you didn't like in the last chapter, so I can not make the same mistake again. Thanks. :)

**To -- on his review:** Maybe you're right, I sort of was overusing the censorship gag.I'll try to include less censorship. (This does not neccessarily mean more swearing)

I do not own your soul. I'm sure some of you would be more than happy to give it to me though ;)

When I write a word, and it's followed by (?), even I'm not sure how it's physically possible.

I'm sort of running out of ideas PM me character suggestions for the next chap, along with any gags you can think of, and I might use if for the next fabulous chapter of Sonic's Last Bet.

* * *

**Chapter 9: Miles "Tails" Prower**

Back in present time, now that Tails was alive again, Silver was in the future again, and the author was still reading off the list of retarted characters he started reading two days ago, Sonic was asleep. That is, until Tails pounced on him, cat style, and tried to scratch out his eyeballs. Screaming shrieks of terror that would have scared a nightmare, Sonic attempted (and generally failed) to pry Tails off his face. It was not until four hours later, when Knuckles, using a crow bar with all his might, managed to pull Tails from his death grip.

"Are you ready to die Sonic?" Knuckles said in a challenging tone, referring to their running contest.

"Oh, I'm ready alright. I'm so ready that it would make Spongebob cry!" Sonic replied.

"Wow, that's really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really ready!" Tails screamed.

"No really?" Sonic said sarcastically.

"Really really!"

"Really?" Knuckles said stupidly.

"Froggy, where are you!" Big chimed in.

**SILENCE! I must now lecture you all on how annoying you are, so that I have an excuse to appear and play the part of the almighty author. Now, I am really tired of always listening to all of you idiots babel back and forth about nonsense, pointless jargon, and redundant, retarded garbage!**

"Really?"

**Yes, really!**

"Really really?"

**Yes, really really?**

"Really really really?"

**No.**

"Really?"

**Yes fool! Now, be silent, or I will have to kill you!**

"But if you do, I'll just come back as a ghost, so ha!"

**Not if I don't include it in the story you won't!**

"If I pay you half a chicken, will you give me an almighty backscratch?"

**First off, what the hell does that have to do with me wanting to smite you, secondly, how will you give me half a chicken, and last, what makes you think I would give any of you puny mortals a backscratch, much less you!**

"Cause pies are good!"

**Only intelligent thing that's come out of your mouth the entire fic.**

"Really?"

**Urg! Now you must die!!Pie!!On-the-fly!!In-the-sky!!And-I-don't-know-why!!Hey-look-at-that-guy!!I-can-ryme!!Worth-a-dime-!!Hey-look-at-the-time!!Shoutout-to-Angel-Demonic-Shadow!!**

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!! And great buckets of shellfish fell in a holy, purifying, senselessly destructive rain from the heavenly heavens. Tails inflated like a balloon until he popped.

"Yay, let's have another party!" And so, everyone partied again (for like the seventeen billionth time that week)

"You lost." Knuckles said vaguely.

"What?"

"You lose. You were supposed to entertain him."

"How am I supposed to if he's dead?"

"Your problem, not mine. Hey, Shadow's kind of emo-gothic, maybe he know's a thing or two about death and how to communicate with the undead souls of the damned which you summon forth from the twisting nethers of the flaming underworld of doom despair and death. Good luck with that!"

"Thanks!" Sonic replied sarcastically. And so, Sonic searched far and wide, high and low, under rocks and in vats of radioactive poison, where the Yetis live, and on the inside of errupting volcanoes, but no sign of Shadow could be found. However, he did find Big.

"Where's Froggy?"

"You lost Froggy again?"

"Froggy, where are you?"

"I'll take that as a yes. Hey Big, if you help me find Shadow, I'll help you find Froggy."

"Okay buddy old pal!" Big said as he gave Sonic a bear hug which undoubtably snapped Sonic's spine in √(16.3x2+14x+68)(72x2+3x+87) divided by 500 pieces (You can tell that I'm working on polynomials in Algebra, can't you, I will admit that anyone who can simplify that to it's simplest form without using either a calculator, or a cheap online simlifier, and get it correct, is half as awesome as I am.)

"Don't... do that... again!" Sonic gasped.

"Why?"

"I think you ruptured my spleen!"

"What's a spleen?"

"One thing you don't have in addition to not having a brain!"

"OHKAY!"

"Oh noes, somebody else who's capable of misspelling speach! THE HORROR!"

"Can we just look for Froggy already?"

"After we find Shadow."

"Oh, I saw Shadow in the graveyard over there." Big said as he pointed to a scary, evil looking graveyard.

"Okay... right. I'm off."

"But we havesn't foundeded Fwoggy alweady!" Big whined.

"Hey Big, I think I saw Froggy jump into that volcano over there!" Sonic said as he got out his camera.

"i'M cOMING fROGGY!" As Big fell down the shaft and was incinerated by the lava, Sonic shot enough photgraphs that once sold on eBay, he could live off the money for exactly 3687 years and 92 ½ days(?).

"Stupid cats." Sonic mumbled. "I hate em. They must all die." He then erected a sign above the hole of the volcano that said 'Free catnip, tuna, and milk' He then started walking towards the scary graveyard of doom just in time to not be trampled by the stampeding mass of cats throwing themselves into the volcano. He entered the cliche graveyard, complete with the ground hugging fog. But instead of finding Shadow performing satanic rituals, or trying to exhume Maria's nonexistant corpse, he saw him battling a horde of evil, flesh eating, purple(?) zombies, armed with 2x4s with faces drawn on one side. Sonic jumping into the Brawl (no seriously, he was included in a video game after that moment), and helped Shadow kill the zombies. It was like a remake of Resident Evil 3 ½ (?)... except with anthro hedgehogs... one of which had no shotguns... and there wasn't some overly sexualized president's daughter... and... oh forget it... Once they had vanquished all the evil spawn from hell, both of them wiped the blood off of themselves with the nearest towel. Once they had been cleaned of the vile stuff (which smelled vaguely like white grape juice, and probably tasted like it too, despite having the texture of tomato paste 0.o), Sonic said,

"Yo, Shads, wasup."

"Just because I programmed Omega to annoy you with gangster vocab, doesn't mean I am one."

"Uh... Swirls of darkness, evil... death... must cut self. Was that more of your language?"

"I'm not an emo!"

"Then why did you just flip out on me?"

"If you want a favor, you're heading down the wrong road to get me to give it to you."

"Okay, I need a way to commune with the dead spirit of Tails."

"Talk to Knuckles about that"

_At Knuckles house_

"Talk to Jet about that"

"Jet's dead, retard."

"Oh yeah. Talk to the author about that."

_On my phone line_

**Talk to Tikal about that.**

"But you're supposedly all knowing!"

**Silence! Talk to Tikal about that. **

_At... I don't know, the Master Emerald_

"Talk to Chaos Zero about that"

"Okay... Chaos... how do I commune with Tail's spirit?"

"insert various water splashing sound effects"

"What the hell did he say?"

"He said 'Speak to the one called Doom'"

_The Deserted Island Doom fell onto_

"Talk to Yuji Naka about that."

_Sega headquarters_

"Talk to Big about that one."

"But Big is dead."

"Sorry, he's the only one who knew the secret of communing with the dead."

"There has to be somebody else!"

"Hmm... well, there's... nah."

"What?"

"Well, you could always see if Eggman knows anything about it."

_Eggman's painfully obvious evil base of doom and global domination with a huge neon sign that says 'Eggman's Evil Base', and a name which was the prefix of 'Egg' for no particular reason. _

"Talk to me about that."

"I am talking to you retard."

"Darn it! I thought maybe that would fool you, and you would go away!"

"Still here!"

"All you have to do is mail yourself to:

Miles "Tails" Prower

666-6 Hades Drive, Lake of Fire, Hell

666-666-666 (666-666-666-666-666-666-666-666-666-666-666-666)"

"So what's the catch?"

"It's getting back that's the hard part. You have to disguise yourself as a demon to be let on the elevator that goes back up here."

"Wait... there's a CENSORED elevator?"

"Don't ask."

"I won't."

"I suggest you hurry."

"Why?"

"I see Amy running this way."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" With that, Sonic dived through the elevator door, which for some reason was in the middle of Eggman's base. Once he had found Tails, suddenly, everything turned into a really bad, B 1970's Japanese movie where their mouths move before the works come out, and and every attack uses the exact same generic karate chop sound effect.

"Okay, let's finish this."

"Yes, lets. You are strong, but not strong enough for me."

"Give it your best shot. There's nothing you can come up with that I can't do?"

"How about this, go back out and let Amy catch you!"

"Urg! You have discovered my weak point! Never! Urg! Urge to resist rising!"

"You would lose your honor then?"

"No! Sonic does not lose his honor!"

"You have already sacrificed your virginity to keep your honor, would you endure the ordeal again?"

"Urg! Honor against the wellbeing of my lower portions! I can't take much more! She's goign to kill me!"

"I have a solution!"

"What, oh wise master of retardedness?"

"As soon as your are done with my portion of the bet, get a restraining order on Amy. Your... ahem... extremities... will recover from their injury in due time."

"Surely, you art the most wise idiot in all the land, oh master of dumbness."

"Yes, I am." And so, Sonic rode back up the elevator to face his fate. Well, you all know the rest of the events which filled the rest of Sonic's day. O.o Need I say more?


	10. Full title in chapter

**Sonic's Last Bet**

All the characters have fun differently. What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!

I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"

I do not own any meaninful ideas. It's true.

I am the real wise master of retardedness.

The notes and disclaimers at the begining seem to grow with every chapter. Why am I adding this then?

I do not own your soul. I'm sure some of you would be more than happy to give it to me though ;)

When I write a word, and it's followed by (?), even I'm not sure how it's physically possible.

**WARNING: **This chapter contains a comedic spin of the "birds and the bees", "where babies come from" and "whis is sex" talk every boy and girl hear eventually. However funny it is, it will be mostly accurate, and if your parents have not had this talk with you already, you may want to skip this chapter. By reading this chapter, you accept full responsibility for reading it, and your parents can't get pissed at me for teaching you what sex is, as it is rated T, I have this disclaimer, and if your on the internet, and don't know what sex is, your either very lucky, very unlucky, or have very lazy parents. I'll try to keep it comparibly mild, but if you think this warrants an M rating, tell me.

I do not own sex. Having something and owning something are two different things ;). But seriously, I've never actually had sex. No, I will not do it with you, so don't ask.

I do not own any porn. Honest.

I do not own any good disclaimers ideas. They all suck. Sort of like this one.

I should file a trademark on censorship, then I could say "I own censorship".

I do not own a bra, as I am I guy.

I do own all of these one of a time sex related disclaimers.

I own... oh forget it, I don't own shit.

I don't own... oh forget it, I don't own shit.

(INSERT POINTLESS AND REDUNDANT DISCLAIMER WHICH EITHER ISN'T FUNNY, OR REFERENCES SOME STRANGE RANDOM OBJECT WHICH REQUIRED NO SKILL OR CREATIVITY TO CONJURE UP)

I'm sort of running out of ideas PM me character suggestions for the next chap, along with any gags you can think of, and I might use if for the next fabulous chapter of Sonic's Last Bet.

Okay, this chapter is one big gag. Angel-Demonic-Shadow brought it to my attention that Shadow has appeared in every chapter of the fic. So I thought "If I can somehow make a chapter Sonic is not in, Shadow will have been in more chapter's of Sonic's fic than Sonic.

* * *

**Chapter 10: The random chapter for no apparent reason, which is obviously only included so that Shadow can be in one more chapter than Sonic in Sonic's fic, which came about as a result of the author's fanboyism, and Angel-Demonic-Shadow's comments about Shadow being in every chapter, combined with extreme boredom, drugs (just kidding), sex (just kidding), and pink elephants (not just kidding). **

Shadow was sitting on the couch in the living room(?) of Club Rouge, when all of the sudden, for no apparent reason, even though he was dead, Tails decided to appear and annoy Shadow.

"Shadow, will you get me some pickles? What are you watching? Why is your chest fur white?" Shadow ignored him for awhile, but finally Tails asked, "Hey Shadow, where do babies come from?" Shadow thought back to when the Professor had taught him biology, and recalled the part of reproduction. Shadow saw nothing wrong with answering, truthfully, to an eight year old, precisely where babies come from.

"Well Tails, babies are made mutually by a man and a woman. The process is called the reproductive cycle."

"Ooh... sounds shiny!"

"You have no idea how shiny sometimes... Anyways, back to what I was saying. The baby's first orgins lie in an act at the begining of the baby's existance, even before it was born."

"Really?"

"Don't start that again!"

"Okay, please continue."

"Alright, this act, which starts the cycle, goes by various... ahem... more vulgar names, but usually, it is referred to as 'sex'."

"I've heard that word before!"

"I wouldn't possibly know why with Sonic in the house." Shadow said sarcastically.

"So what happens?"

"Well... hm... the man's... hm... well, his ahem... johnson gets all... long and hard... and he sort of... puts it inside the woman." Shadow was trying to say it as gently as possible, but Tails didn't seem to get it.

"Oh, so he pushes his dick in her?"

"I suppose you could say that."

"Then what?"

"Well, after the man and the woman have 'had sex', if the woman's egg fertilizes, then a baby will be born?"

"When they 'have sex', do they grunt and scream?"

"Why?"

"Cause I hear Amy and Sonic all the time, and Sonic is always screaming 'No, I'm too young to die of brutal rape!'" Shadow's eye started twitching, and he said,

"It's no wonder you're insane."

"Hey Shadow, have you ever had sex?"

"Is that any of your business?" Shadow hastily said.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"I didn't say yes though."

"You might as well have."

"Shut up."

"With whoooooo?" Tails said while winking and smirking.

"Um... -cough-Rouge-cough-cough-."

"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Does that mean Rouge is going to have a baby?"

"I don't know."

"Well, it seems that you know other things" -wink-

"Will you can it?"

"NEVER!!strawberry-jam!!Darth-Vader!!Nintendo-Wii!!Shit!! In the name of sex, I say never!!"

"Great, looks like I've inadvertently given him one more way to be annoying. Now he'll probably get in to crappy hentai (for those of you who don't know, hentai is japanese anime porn, and it's nasty, stupid, and artless, not to mention gay)! Dear Lord, what have I done! Please, forgive me of my sins!"

**You are forgiven. Now that you have taught Tails, ahem, the birds and the bees, I can use that as a future gag. Thank you, faithful servant. **

"You don't mind?"

**No. Now, Tails will be even more annoying.**

"Speaking of which, how many times are you going to kill Tails and make it seem like he's never coming back, only to bring him back like next chapter?"

**Tell me how many cells are in your body, and you have your answer. **

"Oh God no!"

**Oh me yes!**

"Shadow!" Rouge called from upstairs.

**It seems the lady is waiting on you, puny slave.**

"So it seems. Mind running... wait, do you even have feet? Hmph, never mind. Would you mind taking Tails to Sonic's for me?"

**Not a problem at all mortal-ling. **

"Thanks."

**Don't mention it. No, seriously, never tell anyone I did you a favor, or I'll smite you, and resurrect you just so that I can smite you again, a thousand times. And Shadow?**

"Yes?"

**Bow chika bow wow! **

"Oh shut up big wussie fag!"

**Silence! I may be a big wussie, but I'm not a fag! I can prove it! Jesus is my son, which logically means I had sex with Mary!**

"How can a God have sex?"

**If you'd truly like to find out, I can arrange something with one of the female gods. If not, SHUT UP THY FILTHY GOD DAMNED BASTARD! **

"Hey, I have a father, in fact, I have two!" My eye now took it's turn twitching. "Not like that you retard! Oh never mind!"

* * *

**Good, now I can sign these poor mortals off. Today's show was not brought to you by: Undergarments, Birth Control, or Abortion, all in the business of hindering the reproductive cylce, all the way from sex, to birth. Todays show WAS brought to you by Radman "go hump that mexican chick" (INSERT LAST NAME HERE) and a scary guy in a dark cloak trying to turn you to the sith. Also brought to you by: boobs, eye twitching, laptops, parrots, cheese, butter, Metalica, poop, and Invader Zim. Thank you for watching. Tune in next week for more of Sonic being tortured, the unveiling of Tail's new knowledge on... ahem... to Sonic and friends, and another appearance by none other than me, and possibly another reference to Angel Demonic Shadow. **


	11. Flames the Hedgehog

**Sonic's Last Bet**

All the characters have fun differently. What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!

I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"

I do not own any meaninful ideas. It's true.

I am the real wise master of retardedness.

The notes and disclaimers at the begining seem to grow with every chapter. Why am I adding this then?

I do not own your soul. I'm sure some of you would be more than happy to give it to me though ;)

When I write a word, and it's followed by (?), even I'm not sure how it's physically possible.

To Jarkes: You can't say I didn't warn you. Nuff said. You chose to read it.

This chapter may not be quite as humorous, because it addresses serious concerns about flaming. This is indended for Flame Rising as much as any of my "fans".

It appears I have been flamed by an imfamous flamer, Flame Rising. Obviously, if my story attracted the attention of such a notorious flamer, I must be doing something right? :) Read the review to find out why I am against flames. You don't have to like my fics, you simply have to tell my WHY you don't like them, so I can improve. By the way, do not go to his forum and try to defend me, you'll just get ripped to shreds by his gang of lakeys. Feel free to go and look at my conversation with him though. Check the reviews page, click on the hyperlink for Flame Rising, click the link for the "ranting" forum, and jump to page... I think 59.

I'm sort of running out of ideas PM me character suggestions for the next chap, along with any gags you can think of, and I might use if for the next fabulous chapter of Sonic's Last Bet.

* * *

**Chapter 11: Flames the Hedgehog**

When Sonic woke up, strangely disoriented, as if he could not remember what had happened to him yesterday (probably a result of his author's extreme laziness and unwillingness to get off his ass and check the last chapter to see what happened). As he went through his usual morning routines (abeit, they were now at Knuckles' house). As he did, he wondered to himself, _Why do I keep going through with this. Do I really care that much? This is going to kill me soon. _

He was about to consider calling the whole thing off, and giving Knuckles his two hundred dollars, when Knuckles came down, this time, in a pair of hippy pajamas, complete with peace symbols, and pictures of marajuana.

"Dude, what's up with the hippy Pjs?" Sonic questioned.

"I happen to like my hippy pajamas, so what do you care?" Knuckles replied indignantly.

"I always thought of you more as the 'gangster' type." Sonic shrugged.

"Shut up! Anyways, I've got the person you have to entertain today."

"Look, Knuckles, I'm getting tired of this. You'll never run out of people to bug me. I was kind of-"

"Thinking of calling the bet off?"

"Sort of..."

"Well then, I guess everyone will have to know that Sonic is a big fat wussie wuss, who can't even do simple things like babysit Cream."

"I did that though!"

"But you don't even know who the person is and you already are wimping out!"

"Nope. Not going to convince me."

"I guess you're just chicken then."

"WHAT!"

"Just the other week, Shadow said, 'Sonic's never going to make it. He's a big fat wussie wuss, who can't even babysit Cream'."

"HE SAID WHAT!"

"And then, Yuji Naka said, 'Well, if Sonic can't buck up, I'm going to have to replace him with Shadow. I need a tough main character, not a big fat wussie wuss."

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT! TELL ME WHO THIS LOSER IS!"

"It's a hedgehog called Flames."

"Who the hell is that?"

"He is a critic of literature, completely devoid of any sense of humor. Nobody can make him laugh."

"Oh really? I bet this would make him laugh!" Sonic said as he made a silly face.

"Not even that."

"That's serious."

"Yep."

"What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know, but you'll have to fix it before you can get him to have any fun at all."

"Alright, I'll do it!" And so, Sonic rushed off. When he reached Flames' abode, he found Flames typing on his computer, flaming all sorts of literature. As Sonic read the review, he realized what horrific thing was happening here. Flames was breaking the hearts of poor fledgling writers who just wanted to share their passions with the world. Although many of the works Sonic saw with Flames' mark on them were bad, he had to admit, the guy was harsh. "Hey Flames."

"What is it?"

"Are you aware of our agreement?"

"Yes, but you will never accomplish your goal. Let's play a game, shall we? This is a little game I like to call:"Things That Could Make Me Have Fun Better Than You". The rules are simple. Correctly select which choice can make me have fun better than you. If you don't I may have to kill you grusomely with a rusty dagger. Options are as follows: A. My left testicle. B. A toilet-full of chunky diarrhea. C. An inbred midget clown who swims in choice B. D. All of the above. If you chose the correct answer, D, then you have won the following prize: A spot in my coveted category "Characters which suck more than a turd out of my ass". Don't despair though! Even if you didn't choose correctly, I will be kind enough to give you that prize anyway. Who said I don't have a heart?"

"Wow, that's harsh! But I will do it anyways. Tell me Flames, exactly why are you incapable of fun or laughter?"

"It's a long and pitiful tale, not that far from The Grinch...

_One day, there was a child. He had lived a wonderful six years. All his grandparents were still alive to spoil him, he was the smartest kid in his class, had his dad's good looks, and absolutely loved fun. He would spend hours riding around on his tricycle, playing with his friends, and reading his favorite books. However, one day, he was so excited, he rode his tryke faster than usual. Faster and faster he went, until he rode over a rock. With a terrible lurch, he flew forward into the pavement. His helmet protected his skull, and his elbows and knees took the brunt of the damage. There, in his elbows and knees, all four of his funny bones were irrepairably damages. Try and try as they could, nobody around him could get him to laugh, no matter how funny it was, and could not get him to enjoy anything, even if it was something he liked before. He attained a very negative outlook on life, and began to find joy in the only way he was capable, putting those around him down to make himself feel better. He began to adapt an ideaology of "If I can't have fun, they shouldn't be able to either!". So he set out to ruin other people's fun, hopes, and dreams. Harshly, derogatorily, and even innapropriately degrading everything and everyone around him, he sank lower and lower into his habit, until he believed himself totally justified, and completely correct. He began to recruit others to join him in his activities, the only real friendships it could be said he had. Of course, who would want to be the friend of such a harsh criticizer. Even to this day, __**I **__am incapable of seeing life in an optimistic and light hearted way, and must nit pick and criticize everything. _

"Wow, that's sad man."

"Yes... yes it is."

"I'm sorry that this happened to you."

"You... you are?"

"Yes. And I am going to do whatever it takes to help you. Do you want to have fun again?""...Yes, I think I do. I'm afraid that I've forgotten how though."

"I'll help you. We'll do it together."

"Alright..." And so, Sonic and Flames tried every fun activity you could think of, from bowling, to playing Grand Theft Auto and Halo, to childish things like playing tag. Sonic even bought a book of 5,748,256 ½ ways to have fun, and tried all of them, but not one worked. He bought the ultimate joke book, with every joke ever made in the history of the universe, and told them all, but not even a chuckle emitted from Flame. Finally, frustrated, Flames said.

"It's not you, it must be me. Damn it, what's wrong with me!" Slamming his elbow into the wall with frustration. A sickly crack could be heard, and Flame began laughing uncontrollably.

"What's so funny?"

"After years of disuse, one of my funny bones has been relocated to it's functioning position!" Flame said inbetween bursts of laughter.

"Hold still buddy!" Sonic cracked Flames' other elbow, and his knees, restoring his funny bones.

_2 Weeks Later_

Flames opened the love note. He read along the poetic lines which fluttered with grace and majesty, obviously penned by someone with experience. Then, he read a certain line, and did a double take. The line had complimented his breasts. Last he checked, he didn't have any. For a moment, he was wierded out, but then, he laughed, a skill which only a short time before, he didn't have.


	12. Big the Cat

**Sonic's Last Bet**

All the characters have fun differently? What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!

I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"

I do not own any meaninful ideas. It's true.

When I write a word, and it's followed by (?), even I'm not sure how it's physically possible.

I know I haven't updated in a long time, but I had several issues, and in addition, I'm getting tired of writing mediocre, humorless comedy fics that receive flame reviews, and reviews where half the words are "lol". There will be a maximum of three more chapters after this one.

Btw, this could very well be the last chapter, and it was torture to try to get this out. However, I might be more inclined to finish the fic properly, were you all to check out my new, more serious fic, Radman Remix: Sonic Adventure 2. Sadly, it hasn't done well. :( I'm not going to take it or any other stories off site, but just consider, I was cranking out a chapter every other day, and I'm not working on other things. A bad reception is better than no reception, at least you know not to continue. But I'm kind of reluctant to continue with little feedback. Please head over and drop me a line.

* * *

**Chapter 12: Big the Cat**

Sonic woke up with the immediate inclination to go out for breakfast. And so, tiptoeing out of the house Indiana Jones style between chainsaw volume level snores emanating from the upper floor, he snuck out while Knuckles was still sleeping.

Deciding to take a day off the bet entirely and rest, he began to look for a restaurant where he wan't likely to bump into any of his so called "friends".

"Hmm… vastly unpopular joint? Nah, Shadow will be hanging out there for sure… Vastly girly place? No… Amy's sure to be there… A ha! I've got it! Vastly cliched retro reference place!" he decided, as he made his way for a 60's breakfast joint called the "Hip Disco Hotcakes to Go!"

Once inside, he discovered that everyone there had ugly, oversized afros, with the exception of one person, whose head was squeaky bald.

"Eggman?" Sonic said in surprise at seeing Eggman eating in a 60's diner.

"Um… I'm not Eggman, I'm just a guy who looks uncannily like Eggman!" he said desperately.

"Oh really? If you're not Eggman, then explain the theory of quantum gravity of dark matter!" Sonic baited.

"Well, its really quite simple. Dark matter only attracts deperbulous matter with a ratio of mass to energy on a scale of the speed of light to pi. Therefore, the matt-" he began saying, before he realized that Sonic had caught him.

"Ha! It has to be you Egghead, only you would know that kind of lame nerd stuff!" Sonic boasted.

"Oh really? Well how's _this _for lame nerd stuff!" he said, as he pushed a button that summoned a giant robot from out of the floor (?).

"You want breakfast? Prepare to face my greatest creation yet, the Egg Pancake, with built in butter cannons! Muhahaha!" Eggman cackled as he jumped into the cockpit of the "Egg Pancake".

"Ha! Let's see what you got!" Sonic cockily replied as Eggman attacked with his giant robotic pancake. He rolled at Sonic as high speeds, but Sonic brandished a fork, stabbing at the soft material, and cleaving off a huge chunk. He then proceeded to stuff the chunk in his mouth.

"What! No! How did you discover my machine's weakness?" Eggman said in disbelief.

"Uh... it couldn't possibly have been the giant flashing neon sign on the back of the robot that outlays your machines' only weakness, now could it?" Sonic shot back in reply.

"No, you're right, that can't be it..." Eggman said in all seriousness, "Was it the fact that I attacked you with a pancake in a pancake house..." he continued to ponder stupidly.

"No! It was that the weakness was totally obvious! I can just eat it if its food!" Sonic yelled in frustrated reply is he spun into and ruptured Eggman's butter tanks, spilling the butter all over the giant pancake.

Meanwhile, outside, they were adding to the sign. The painter added to the original "Hip Disco Hotcakes to Go!", with an additional, "Home of the 700,000,000 pound pancake!"

Back inside, Sonic and the other restaurant goers had completely devoured Eggman's ridiculous creation, leaving him sitting in a mound of butter.

"No, no, no, no! How could this have happened again? Mark my words Sonic, I-" Eggman began, before he was interrupted by a ball of butter impacting him right in his open mouth. Seeing as there was no snow, the restaurant customers had begun a butterball fight instead of a snowball fight. It was 30% less fun and 847% more disgusting.

Just as it seemed Eggman would get even fatter than he already was from being long-distance force fed so much butter, Knuckles burst through the door in an Indiana Jones style hat, with a sawed off double barrel shotgun.

"Alright, party's over boys, I'm takin' you in." Knuckles said in a gruff, texan accent.

"Muphles, fank groodness your frere, I cran bfrarely fralk, frum ouf-" Eggman began to mutter, butter spilling out of his mouth like an avalanche.

"Can it, fatso, you're goin' to the big house!" Knuckles said with an evil glimmer in his eye, "Where is the retarded blue yugoslavian?"

"You mean this retarded blue yugoslavian?" a random person asked as they indicated an actual retarded blue yugoslavian.

"No, the other retarded blue yugoslavian!" Knuckles said, his former texan accent completely gone.

"Murph urph gloah reburb!" Eggman began to interject, massive quantities of butter still erupting from his jowls, before Knuckles whirled around and duct taped his mouth shut.

"He's over there!" an indian person with half a bite of pancake in their mouth and a droplet of butter sliding down the side of their head answered, as he indicated Sonic, who was curled up in a fetal position in the corner.

"What happened to you?" Knuckles asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Too... much... butter..." Sonic muttered, his eyes wide, "I'll... get... heart... disease!"

"Ah shut up ya lilly livered, yella bellied, no good, ass kissin, french speakin, yodelin, spam earin, butter throwin, no good, one eyed, fart brained, retarded son of a homosexual aardvark!" Knuckles said in his previous texan accent, "You're a disgrace to morons everywhere!"

With this, Knuckles grabbed Sonic by the arm, and pulled him on the slippery surface of the butter coating the floor, and out of the building. Forgetting Eggman, and leaving him to suffocate with the tape covering his mouth, Knuckles dragged Sonic across the pavement, across endless searing hot beaches, fields of thorn bushes, acres of spinach fields, and three inches of cacti.

* * *

When they had returned to Knuckle's house, and Sonic had gotten over the highly traumatic incident of the butterball fight and Eggman's fatness, Knuckles prepared to tell Sonic who he had to entertain.

"I hope its not a difficult as the last one, Flames really gave me a run for my money!" Sonic groaned, remembering back to last chapter, about six months ago.

"Those were the days..." Sonic said in nostalgia.

"Why were those the days? Those were terrible times! George W. Bush was president, I lost my TV remote, and to top it off, I ripped my hippy pajamas!"

"Okay, Knuckles, not only does the state of the world NOT revolve around the condition of your personal possessions, but amazingly, back when Bush was president, the economy was fine!"

"Gas prices were horrible! And you can't blame Barack Obama for a problem that arose when he wasn't even in office yet!" Knuckles countered.

"Oh yeah, well you're stupid!" Sonic retorted.

**SILENCE! I will hear no more of your endless bickering! Who really gives a CENSORED? I mean, at least its not worse! And you two, arguing like children over something you clearly don't have enough intellect to understand! So shut up and get on with it!**

"You shut up!" Sonic snapped, apparently forgetting that I am god of the universe.

**What! You dare to disrespect the mighty author, THE RADMAN! I am the Radman, that's what I am! Do not question my authority, or I shall smite you! Are we clear?**

"...Crystal..." Sonic peeped out meekly after my thunderous bellow.

**And to punish you for you insolence, for the rest of this chapter, you shall take on the form of... a frog!**

"What? Noooooooooooo!!" Sonic screamed as he shrunk, turned green, and developed several warts. Soon, he was fully transformed into a frog.

"Knuckles, what do I do?" Sonic croaked.

"Not my problem. Proceed as planned." Knuckles said with a smirk.

"Jackass!" Sonic muttered.

"Hey, no swearing, little four year olds could be reading this!"

"I meant a donkey of course!" Sonic lied.

"Well, anyways, the person for today is... Big the Cat!" Knuckles announced with a little bit too much pomp and ceremony. Sonic was totally silent, eyes wide.

"Surprisingly, there are only three problems with that. First, Big is dead, he jumped off a cliff into a searing pit of lava. Secondly, I'm not sure if getting butt raped is worth keeping my God damned two hundred dollars!" at that moment, I interrupted him with a,

**I now damn this two hundred dollars forever to the twisting nethers of the underworld! Muhahaha! Damn my job is fun!**

"AHEM! Now, what was I saying before the big gay author guy had to butt in- oh yeah! And thirdly, I'm... a God damned FROG! He'll think I'm Froggy!"

**Man, how ironic is that? I mean, that's almost like some sort of evil force that's like, vying to make your life miserable ordained that in order to make you suffer. Almost like it was planned or something! **

"Yeah, that is funny!" Knuckles said dumbly, not correctly interpreting the overly obvious sarcasm in my voice.

"How am I going to entertain a dead person?" Sonic shrugged.

"Well, you've used up all your "get out of hell free" cards, so we'll have to try something else." Knuckles pondered.

**It's quite simple actually! **I said, before I began whispering in Knuckles' ear.

* * *

Six hours later, a blindfolded Sonic was led, bumping into all manner of objects, including a conveniently placed chimpanzee who suffers from separation anxiety, into the living room, where his blindfold was removed, allowing him to see...

"Robo-Big?" Sonic said in disbelief, as Knuckles shook his head in disappointment, and Eggman proudly displayed his latest creation.

"Actually, it's Ultimate Neo Metal Big, or Metal Big for short. I've programmed him to behave exactly like Big the Cat, including fishing, chasing Froggy, being fat, being gay, and carrying hideous umbrellas!" Eggman exclaimed with delight.

"Oh goody..." Sonic, who was still a frog, replied with a frown.

"And of course, my own personal touch! After all, what Eggman robot would be complete without a "**KILL SONIC AT ALL COSTS**" program? This robot is programmed to avoid being entertained at all costs. If you don't keep the robot entertained, it will explode, showering you in mashed potatoes. Once you are covered in mashed potatoes, the robot will then proceed to make gravy! Then, it will pour the gravy on you! Finally, it will feed you to a shark that has been fed only mashed potatoes and gravy." Eggman said as though it were the most brilliant and simple plot ever.

"Uh huh..." Sonic said, not entirely convinced that the robot as dangerous.

"Duh, okays lets goes!" the robotic copy of Big said in that same stupid way.

"Incredible accurate copy..." Sonic said with a sly smile.

"Duh, Fwoggy, twere you war!" the robot said as it began to chase the frog-Sonic. Unfortunately, Sonic was not as fast as a frog, so he had trouble keeping away from the incredibly fat robot.

"Fwoggy, come back! I wants to rapes yous!" The ridiculously realistic Big copy said as artificial drool drizzled down its artificial lip, artificially.

"Never! Stop it, stop it, I give!" Sonic said, but for once, no-one was listening to see if he would give up. They were all in the other room watching the Dark Knight.

"Hey Sonic, when you get done being raped and made into a mashed tater casserole, you've got to see this! It's awesome!1!1!1!1!1!1!1!" Knuckles shouted.

"You know, I don't think that the actor who plays batman is actually that great. I mean all he does is make his voice all gruff! C'mon!" Shadow growled, his criticism quickly answered by an angry reply from Knuckles.

"Guys, could you argue about actors later, after we've kept this thing from killing me!" Sonic shouted as he continued to run from the retarded machine.

"Nope, not really." Knuckles replied. However, Shadow wanted Sonic to side with him.

"Hey Moron, if I shut it off, will you side with me?" Shadow said as a dark smirk graced his lips, revealing his sharp canines.

"Whatever you want Shadow! Just shut it off!" Sonic said hysterically.

"Metal Big, please stop." Shadow commanded, causing the mechanical horror to immediately stop its pursuit of Sonic.

"It was that simple! Eggman, you're retarded!" Sonic yelled, exasperated.

"...Well you didn't figure it out did you?" Eggman said with a sneer.

"So I guess I lose, huh?" Sonic said in dismay.

"Actually, this was all just one big prank, Knuckles bet me that you'd quit, and boy was it worth it to see you get chased by that thing!" Shadow revealed.

"….Knuckles..." Sonic seethed.

"Um, I just remembered, I really have to be somewhere!" Knuckles shouted as he rushed off, Sonic in pursuit.

"Heh heh! This will show him to eat my pancake, and throw butter at me, and tape my mouth shut!" Eggman chuckled as he reactivated the Metal Big.

"Duh, I wants to rape you Eggman!" the machine said as it began to chase Eggman.

"No, wait! You're supposed to chase Sonic! Stop!" Eggman said, but to no avail. Unfortunately for him, he had only designed it to shut down once (?).

And now, the only one left who wasn't being chased by someone, Shadow, stood and chuckled, amazed at the stupidity of his friends.

"They're such morons..." he sneered. As he said this, princess Elise came by.

"-Gasp- A hedgehog! I must have sex with it!" She exclaimed, as Shadow's eyes widened in fear.

"No, wait! Stop! Ahhhhhh!" Shadow screamed as Elise tackled him and prepared to rape him.

**What were you saying Shadow, I believe it was something about... morons? Happy New Year, Shadow! Muhahahaha!**

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Shadow screamed, and all was quiet except for the croaking of a frog and the clucking of a chicken...

What does that have to do with anything? I'm not sure, but while Sonic, Knuckles, Eggman, and Metal Big were disappearing into the horizon, the first hedgehog/human hybrid was being conceived. The last thought that passed through Shadow's mind before the chapter conveniently ended just in time to not get an M rating was,

_Man, Rouge is gonna be pissed! _and that was that.


	13. Shadow the Hedgehog

**Sonic's Last Bet**

All the characters have fun differently? What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!

I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"

I do not own any meaninful ideas. It's true.

When I write a word, and it's followed by (?), even I'm not sure how it's physically possible.

If you're reading this, I've decided that I AM going to properly finish this fic, and the end is near. Of course, with the exception of the last chapter, its been a long time since my previous updates. I had some computer problems, and am still experiencing them, I've just found a temporary solution. In the time I've been gone, my style has changed, and I no longer really want to do this kind of fic. However, I feel I owe it to you as my fans to complete the story. So, I will finish, but expect a lot more serious themes out of me, and a lot less of this style of humor.

[Review count on Radman Remix increase- if yes, delete this note- if no: insert following a/n

Well, Radman Remix still isn't doing very well. Frankly, I might upload what I have now and scrap the rest of the project all together. It just not getting the number of reviews I was hoping for. I tried bargaining with my readers, blackmailing them for more chapters, advertising in my other fics, but nothing has seemed to work. Guess its back to the drawing board.

Well, my recent updates haven't been met as enthusiastically as I anticipated... I was considering extending the length of the fic to twenty plus chapters, but obviously that won't be in order. Unless something drastically changes, expect Chapter 15 to be the end :(.

* * *

**Chapter 13: Shadow the Hedgehog**

As the sun peaked over the grassy hills, the early morning mist seemed to step aside to make way for its arrival. The morning was filled with the chirping of birds, whose sweet melodies entertained all who passed. Breaking the morning peace came a loud noise, disrupting the thoughts of the passing Shadow the Hedgehog, famed hero of earth, ultimate lifeform, and moderately if not severely grumpy expert in butt kicking.

Cracking his knuckles, he stomped over to the door of the house from which the noise was coming, and rang to doorbell. Tapping his foot impatiently, he shuddered as another barrage of the hideous sound ravaged his ear-drums. When no one came to the door, he knocked excessively loudly and rudely, figuring that perhaps the inhabitant would think that he was a tax collector and answer the door.

When he encountered no such luck, the ebony hedgehog decided that he was fed up with waiting, and with drawn back fist, broke the door down, and stormed into the house.

Surely enough, there in the living room, sprawled out on the floor lay the sleeping forms of Sonic and Knuckles, both of whom were snoring so loudly and obnoxiously that he had heard it a block away. Covering his ears as another wave of the sound rolled over him, he walked slowly into the kitchen, where hill filled a bucket of water in the sink.

"This'll teach them to ruin my morning!" He muttered as he dumped all the ice in the freezer into the oversized bucket. Stomping back into the living room with the heavy container in hand, he snickered smugly as he drew it back and dumped its contents all over the sleeping heroes, jolting them from their annoying slumber.

"What the- ooh, that's cold!" Sonic shouted as he jumped up, banging his head on the low-hanging chandelier that had only been there since yesterday...

"What did you do that for Shads?" the groggy red echidna grouchily asked.

"Why? I'll tell you why! I can't even enjoy a CENSORED walk in my own neighborhood because I have to be subjected to the horrible noises you two make while you sleep! I saved this God damned planet, don't I have the right to enjoy it?" Shadow angrily explained.

"Not if it interferes with my schedule..." Sonic mumbled as he 'rolled over' in the puddle of freezing cold water.

"Get up you bastard!" Shadow seethed as he roughly kicked Sonic in the back, causing him to lurch up angrily.

"Why if I wasn't-" Sonic began, before Shadow flared in reply.

"Next time, I'll aim for where it'll really hurt you!" Shadow snickered as he indicated Sonic's groin area.

"Now, now girls, there's no need to fight over me!" Knuckles taunted as he separated the two enraged hedgehogs, "And actually Shadow, this is really quite convenient!"

"How's that dumb-ass?" the scarlet striped hedgehog replied.

"I'll take that as a compliment. Anyhow, you happen to be the person Sonic is supposed to entertain for today!" Knuckles answered enthusiasticly.

"I didn't sign up for this, what makes you think I'll agree?" the ultimate lifeform questioned with narrowed eye.

"Are you kidding? It's like a free 'beat up Sonic all you want' ticket! Or you could have him do your chores! You could force him to danger a highly perilous volcano to retrieve the rarest gem in the world! He's yours to command for a day!" Knuckles explained. As he did, and evil sparkle crept into Shadow's eye.

"You know what Sonic, starting now, you and me are going to be spending lots of time together!" Shadow snarled as he grabbed Sonic's foot and began dragging him off.

* * * *

"You want me to what?" Sonic asked in disbelief.

"You heard me right. I don't know where to find any of these things! You're my only hope!" Shadow pleaded, as he handed Sonic the list.

"Shaddy, did you get me my watermelon and chicken sandwich yet?" Rouge called out from the other room.

"I'm going to get it right now, love..." Shadow said as he put on headphones and shooed Sonic off to the grocery store. Soon, Sonic was in the checkout line with all the strange and random foods that Shadow had put on the list, waiting for his turn. When he got up to the register, he gasped in shock as he realized who the employee was.

"Mighty? It's been years man!" he said in surprise.

"Oh, hey man, how's the video game business treating you?" the estranged armadillo asked as he began scanning and bagging Sonic's stuff.

"Well, I've been in a bit of a slump lately, but I'm sure I'll come out of it soon..." the azure hedgehog replied with uncertainty.

"Uh huh. That's what I said too, and look at me now... Hey, what's up with all this random food? Watermelons, chicken breast, pecan pie, baklava, and Pringles? You got a pregnant girlfriend or something?" Mighty asked in suspicion.

"Actually, its for Shadow." Sonic said distantly, before realizing his mistake.

"Oh! So you and him are together, my mistake!" the armadillo slapped his forehead.

"No, I mean, it's not like that!" Sonic hastily tried to make up for it.

"Don't worry buddy, you don't have to pretend around me, I'm all for gay rights and all that. If anybody gives you any trouble, just call your old pal Mighty, you hear?"

"Yeah." Sonic said, humiliated beyond belief, and concluding that he could never convince the stubborn armadillo. With that, he took the groceries and left.

* * * *

"Here's the stuff you asked for, bastard!" Sonic said as he shoved the assorted food at Shadow, "It cost me my reputation!"

"Your reputation for what?" Shadow asked, confused as to the origin of Sonic's anger.

"My reputation for masculinity!" Sonic seethed as he pouted.

"Uh... you never had a-" Shadow began, before Sonic told him to shut up. Seeming to accept this reply, Shadow left to present the random food objects to his apparently pregnant girlfriend. When he returned, Sonic was there, awaiting his next task.

"So what do you want now, gaywad?" Sonic snarled, still not over the horrifying incident.

"Here why don't you take this list of tasks, accomplish as much of it as you can today, and we'll call it even." Shadow said distantly.

"Fine!" Sonic remarked as he snatched the list and began to read it.

_**List of Chores for Sonic to Do**_

_Kill all Shadamy fans in the world_

_Appease Elise_

_Scrub my toilet_

_Prank Knuckles in my name_

_Assassinate Bill Gates_

_Eat only one potato chip_

_Video tape self dancing "I'm a barbie girl" in pink tutu, and submit to YouTube under my account_

_Torture self with various sharp objects_

"He's completely lost his mind!" Sonic remarked as he called up Knuckles, "I can't do this, he's-"

"Will that two hundred dollars be cash, credit, or check?" Knuckles sneered in reply.

"…Fine! Don't be surprised if this kills me!" Sonic remarked. He then went to the nearest armament store to buy a twelve gauge. Unfortunately, he had already spent much of his money on Shadow's groceries, and so, could not afford any bullets.

For this reason, he had to resort to beating the Shadamy fans with his twelve gauge rather than shooting them. However, while infiltrating one Shadamy HQ, he uncovered one rather disturbing photograph.

"She rapes _him _too?" he said in surprise after examining it, "Dear God, Shadow's trying to destroy evidence! I guess I'll just have to save it to black-mail him later!" Sonic snickered as he pocketed the incriminating picture.

As little as Sonic really wanted to 'appease Elise' at the moment, he knew that if he refused, the bet would be lost, and that would mean Knuckles had been right, and he couldn't very well allow that, now could he?

It was for this reason that he sat on the side of the road with a big sign that said: Hedgehog seeking human girl with orange legs. Before long, she had shown herself, and the indecent exposure had ensued.

* * * *

Luckily for him, the exhausted Sonic, who had been woken up at an ungodly hour with a splash of freezing water, had fallen asleep part way through being raped, and had only experienced half the torture.

Once he had woken up, the indignant Sonic (whose bottom half was now slightly sore), had travelled back to Shadow's to 'scrub his toilet'. However, he figured that now was as good a time as ever to use the ammo he had uncovered at the Shadamy HQ. Copying the photo and hiding the copies in ultra secure places such as right out in the open, he confronted Shadow.

"Have you scrubbed the toilet yet?" the dark hedgehog asked with an evil smirk. Sonic only chuckled in reply.

"I want to to call up Knuckles right this instant and tell him I win." Sonic said with confidence.

"And why would I do that?" Shadow confidently replied.

"Because I have this!" Sonic smirked, presenting the photograph he had discovered before. The ultimate lifeform balked, and then angrily tore the picture to shreds.

"What now?" he asked with anger. Sonic yawned in reply, before presenting his cocky answer.

"I have other copies. You will call Knuckles and do as I ask, or I show this picture to Rouge!" Sonic threatened.

"Alright! You win!" Shadow conceded, knowing that Sonic was just desperate and crazy enough to attempt such a thing. Soon, Sonic was leisurely strolling back to Knuckles' house to turn in early. On his way, a car pulled to a stop beside him, and the passenger rolled the window down.

"What's up Sonic?" the annoying crocodile asked.

"Not much..." the blue hedgehog replied in exhaustion.

"So... Mighty told me about you and Shadow..." Vector said.

"Arg! I'm going to kill that CENSORED armadillo!" Sonic shouted as he rushed off.

**No need, allow me! **I boomed as a fatal lightning bolt speared the irritating armadillo. **It will all be over soon my slave... soon... **


	14. The Radman

****

**Sonic's Last Bet**

All the characters have fun differently. What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!

I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"

I do not own any meaninful ideas. It's I write a word, and it's followed by (?), even I'm not sure how it's physically possible.

**Well everybody, THIS WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO BE THE SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER. I hope you enjoy it, it and the next chapter are going to be long ones, so I hope you won't be disappointed. Due to an increase in reviews, hits, and popular reception of this fic and "To Walk a Mile in Their Shoes", I will focus on them more.**

**TAILS DEVELOPS A CHOCOLATE ADDICTION**

**THE RETURN OF TAILS WITH KNOWLEDGE OF WHERE BABIES COME FROM!**

* * *

**Chapter 14: The Radman (The Author!)**

Up in the heavens, great obsidian storm-clouds gathered around a glowing red dot, as thunder bellowed mightily. Streaks of lightning curved within the clouds, as the storm brewed. And within the mighty storm, there was a voice. My voice to be exact.

**Hmm... nothing I try seems to work...** I pondered, flexing my mighty brain muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger. **He is still standing tall amidst all the strife I send his way! **

**I'm running out of ways to make his life miserable! Does he truly value a measly two hundred that much?** As I spoke, the thunder roared with each word, my anger was apparent. Nobody stands up to me and lives to tell the tale with their nether regions intact!

**Beware Sonic the Hedgehog, you're about to face your worst nightmare! **

* * * * *

After murdering a massive mob of Sonadow Slash fans with a rusty dagger (they had 'heard the news' from Mighty), Sonic had gone on an evil rampage, gunning down any politician he encountered, much to the delight of the local populace, since he was in Venezuela for some unspecified and never afterwards mentioned reason...

In any case, he was burning, killing, and destroying with a tenacity that would have made Eggman weep with envy when a firm hand clasped his shoulder, and he snapped around with a loud,

"Hi-yah!" and an overly exaggerated karate chop. The figure that had been behind him and now was in front of him grabbed his hand, twisted it until a loud snapping noise was heard, and released it.

"Oh my God, I think you broke my wrist!" Sonic screamed as the searing heat in his arm grew to such intensity that he hallucinated pink ponies prancing about in the background... or did he?

Ahem, in any case, he was greeted by a rather irritated Knuckles, despite the fact that Knuckles had just broke his arm off more or less.

"Hola estupido! Un dia es el dia! Mama de tu es gorda, y tu no habla espanol, y tu gordo tambien! Ha!" Knuckles said in a very convincing Mexican accent.

"What the hell? Was that Portuguese or something?" Sonic asked, totally stupefied.

"That was Spanish you idiot. Might I ask why you are going on a crazy Bolivian rampage... in Venezuela? I mean really, its uncalled for! Take your Bolivian anger to Bolivia!" Knuckles said as though it made all the sense in the world that one's anger could have a nationality...

"I have no idea what you just said, and I'm pretty sure it was English." he replied.

"Retarded idiot say what!" Knuckles shot back with narrowed eyes.

**SILENCE! I have no time for your idiocy!**

"If you have no time for our idiocy, then why did you write this, and make everyone in it, even to a certain degree yourself, an IDIOT!" Sonic yelled, breaking the third wall for like the seventeenth time.

**I SAID BE SILENT! Author Powers! **And with that, as if some invisible sewing machine had passed by on a path of destruction, the poor hedgehog's lips were sewn shut!

"Purely out of curiosity oh mighty author, isn't it a bit early in the chapter for your intervention? I mean, don't you usually wait until we least expect it at the end to CENSOR everything up?" Knuckles asked.

**I always censor everything. But yes I usually do wait until the end to make your lives miserable. However, for this specific chapter, I am making an exception!**

"And why might that be?"

**Check your list, pathetic one.**

Knuckles grumbled indignantly as he pulled out a crumpled piece of paper with crude names.

"Let's see... already did Big," he mumbled as he scanned over the scribbled list of remaining torturers. "Ah here it is! …Radman? What the hell, I didn't write this here!"

**Doesn't matter! It's on the list, so obviously, he's meant to do it! **

"Can't argue with that logic!" Knuckles said dumbly, despite Sonic making silent no gestures.

**Excellent! We start immediately. **

"Oh, uh Sonic, I'll leave you here with Raddy. I just remembered... I forgot to water my plant." Knuckles excused, looking for any reason not to be included in my horrible wrath.

"You don't have a plant." Sonic insisted, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

"What do ya know! Guess I'll have to get one so I can water it. Toodles! :)" Knuckles replied before speeding off with speed to rival even Sonic's speediness.

**Did he just use a smiley in speech? Imbecile.**

"Now don't you go speaking Spanish on me too!" Sonic said to the sky, since that was where he thought God lived. This made him look exceptionally stupid to the passerby's, but what do I care?

**I was speaking English you moron. I can't help it if I have a vocabulary that is advanced to such a ridiculously high degree that your pathetic mind is completely incapable of comprehending its complexity.**

"Let me take a wild guess and say you found a dictionary."

**SILENCE! Now, on to the torture.**

"Oh yay." Sonic said in mock enthusiasm.

**In the style of Dante's Inferno, I will now send you to the most horrible place in the universe!**

"Hell? Oh please say Hell. Tails isn't there."

**I forgot about the pathetic fox with dual appendages. I guess I'll send him too!**

"NO!! You CENSORED CENSORED CENSORING CENSORER!"

**I didn't know that there were that many expletives that describe male anatomy. I can add them to my vocabulary now! Oh, and Sonic?**

"Dare I ask how you will finish that sentence?"

**Tails learned where babies come from. **Sonic's eye began twitching madly, while he raved something about not being able to slam a revolving door.

* * *

There was once a beautiful, peaceful land called an "amusement park". There was food of high quality at the stalls, the lines were short for the rides, and the people there were generally happy.

No, this was not where Sonic was sent to. He was sent to Disneyworld.

Upon arrival, Sonic asked "Can't you send me to Euro Disney instead? At least they serve alcohol there, so I can get over this!"

****

No.

"Damn it!"

Just then, the monster that Sonic most feared today started charging right at him. Tails flew through the crowd at Disneyworld, shouting "Sonic, Sonic, Sonic, Sonic, Sonic-"

He crashed into Sonic, then said in a hyperactive tone "Sonic, you won't believe what happened! The author brought me back to life, the thirteenth level of hell was extremely fun, and Shadow told me that babies come from a man and a woman having-"

"TAILS!" shouted Sonic as he covered Tails' mouth. "This is a kids' park! If you talk about you-know-what here, you'll get us in trouble!"

Tails calmed down, then said "If you give me some sugar, I'll stay quiet about that subject for a guaranteed three minutes!"

Sonic thought it over, then said "Deal!" They marched into the candy store, looking at the colorful display of high calories and low nutrition.

Tails looked over all the treats like a shark would look at a dying seal. As his ravenous hunger for sugar continued to grow, he looked out of the corner of his eye and asked "Sonic…Do you know the muffin man? What's Soylent Green made out of? And what's that brown stuff by the counter?"

Sonic noticed that Tails was pointing at the fudge section, and gasped with horror at the thought of Tails plus chocolate. With quick thinking, he said "You don't want that, Tails! Trust me…chocolate is the worst tasting candy ever made!"

Just then, the clerk behind the counter asked "Did I hear you two talking about chocolate? We do indeed have a fine chocolate selection here! How about a free sample?", holding up a piece of chocolate in front of Tails' watery eyes.

Before Sonic could do anything. Tails jumped up and gobbled up the chocolate piece out of the clerk's hand. Sonic shouted to the clerk "Do you realize what you have done?"

Sonic then looked over a Tails and said "Buddy…please tell me you're still in there somewhere!"

Tails started twitching faster and faster, before finally shouting "YES! I've found my calling! Today…chocolate will rule!" He then pulled a CENSOREDload of money out of nowhere and bellowed "Give me all the chocolate you can with this money!!!"

Sonic pushed Tails aside and said "Tails, don't do this! I won't let you!"

Tails looked at Sonic with puppy eyes and said "But, Sonic…I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it-"

Sonic retreated to the corner of the shop, wondering "What have we done? What abomination have we started today?"

Tails left the shop dragging an entire crate of chocolate behind him. In a last desperate attempt, Sonic asked "Shouldn't you hold off on eating that chocolate until we get home?"

Tails responded by opening the crate upside down over his head, devouring all of the contents inside as they dumped onto him.

A few seconds later, Sonic was running all over the place and shouting "Run, everyone! Run for your lives! IT'S COMING!!!" He was then stopped by the one thing faster than him…a hyperactive, constantly twitching Tails.

Tails inquired "How do I make sure nobody's gonna lay a finger on my Butterfinger? Will Snickers really leave me satisfied? What would you do for a Klondike bar?"

Sonic responded "Tails, stop making references to slogans for chocolate products!"

Tails was about to say something when his watch beeped. He shouted "Three minutes is up! Okay, so Shadow said that babies come from an act called-"

The scene suddenly turned to slow motion as Sonic ran up to Tails, shouting "Nnnnnooooo…."

Tails opened his mouth slowly, saying the word "Sssssseeeeeeeeexxxxxx!"

In a complex deep underneath the Disney Castle, alarms were ringing everywhere. One of the commanders in the compound shouted "What's going on here? What happened?"

One of the engineers showed an image of Sonic and Tails on one of their surveillance videos, saying "Someone mentioned sex within the park! This is a Code 69, I repeat, a Code 69! Move the deployments in!"

The commander rolled his eyes and said "Couldn't we have chosen a better name for that code than '69'?" before giving out the order to move in on the two troublemakers.

Back on the surface, a Black Ops team crawled up to Sonic and Tails in a sneaky fashion. However, since this was in the middle of a theme park, they easily stuck out and were noticed by Sonic and Tails.

Sonic asked to them "Are you more of my fan stalkers? Because you all are almost as creepy as Amy!" They responded by shooting a dart into his neck.

As Sonic fell down, Tails said "Are you sure those drugs are going to be good for him? I know our fan base must take a lot of drugs to tolerate us, but I didn't think you would need tranquilizers to stand it all-" before getting a dart himself.

When they woke up, they were inside a prison cell, a part of the complex underneath the park. A commander walked up to them and said "For your slip of the tongue, you both shall pay dearly! You both…will beg for death!"

Sonic retorted "I can take anything you send at us!"

Just then, a Goofy mascot walked up to them and said "Hyuck! Want to have some fun? Let's sing and dance…while watching High School Musical 2!" Sonic and Tails both screamed.

* * *

A couple hours of the worst torture imaginable later, Tails started panting as he said "Must…get…some…CHOCOLATE!"

The commander walked up to their cell and declared "There will be no chocolate here!" This would be his biggest mistake.

Tails started twitching angrily until he shouted "I need my chocolate, damn it!" Tails then smashed through the bars angrily, knocking over the surprised commander as Sonic and Tails made their escape.

As the dynamic duo made their run for the exit, they went into a chamber at the end of a hallway…and ran into a frozen head. As the frozen head opened its eyes and looked at them, he said "What are you damn kids doing here? It's just like several decades ago, when my wife-"

Sonic interrupted by asking "Wait, are you Walt Disney?"

Disney shouted "Of course I am! Can't you see how this sentence introduced me as 'Disney'?"

Tails then inquired "But if you're a frozen head, how can you be talking to us? Being frozen implies that you cannot move! Therefore, you would not be physically able to move the muscles necessary for opening your eyes or mouth!"

Disney replied "Oh, so now you're suddenly interested in physics! It sounds like your games were never too interested in those laws before…besides, I personally killed the laws of physics the moment I had Peter Pan flying! Or it might've been when I turned Maleficent into a dragon! Meh, whatever…"

Sonic looked around nervously, then declared "I think it's about time that we leave, eh Tails?"

Disney chuckled, then announced "No, I don't think you're going to be leaving here. It's just like when I testified to HUAC and-"

Tails interrupted him by blowing up his head with a bazooka pulled out of Hammerspace.

One epic escape from the horror of children's theme parks later, Sonic decided that it was time for vengeance against the one that had caused this misadventure. This involved throwing the hyperactive, chocolate-and-sex demanding Tails into a nearby dumpster before Sonic could move on.

* * *

As the sun finished setting over the vast and beautiful suburbs, Sonic barged into Radman's house and shouted "Time's up for you! Now that my day with you having fun is over, it's time to kill you!" Sonic barged into Radman's room with a loaded pistol in hand.

Radman held up his hands, asking "What are you doing here?"

Sonic replied "Not talking in bold lettering to me now, huh? Well, I'm here to finish the agony you've put me through in this fic, so I can finally win the bet without trouble from you!"

Radman stuttered "B-but I stopped w-working on that f-fic a long time ago! I'm not focused on writing humor anymore!"

This stunned Sonic, and he shouted "What?! You lie! If you're not working on this fic, then how is this event currently going on?"

****

He still hasn't figured it out.

Sonic asked "What do you mean? Why did you just start talking to me in bold again, Radman?"

Radman gulped, then said "Th-that wasn't me."

Sonic laughed and yelled "Good one, Radman! Did you just forget for a second that you're the author of this fic?"

Radman then sighed before saying "You don't get it, do you? I'm not the author of this fic anymore…"

Sonic stood frozen for a second, then uttered "Wait a second! If you're not the author anymore, then who is?"

****

He's finally figured out that Radman isn't the author anymore! Let's give Sonic a hand, folks!

Sonic shouted "Who are you?! Since when have you been in control?"

****

In the hopes of confusing you, I shall respond to your second question first. Do you see that line break between your muttering about the revolving door and the description of an amusement park?

Sonic looked far up in the chapter's writing, and then finally said "Yeah."

****

That's where Radman's writing ends and mine begins.

Sonic yelled "You still haven't answered my first question!"

****

Me? Well, I am jackattack555. You may not have heard of me, but you would if you investigated your fanbase good enough. You see, I made the most popular Sonic fic ever written…

Sonic responded "Oh! Well, then this can't be too bad of an experience for me with you writing-"

****

…it was popular because of how badly I tortured you and your friends due to all of your stupidity.

Sonic gulped, then after a pause said "There's only one word that can sum up my emotions now…CENSORED!"

* * *

****

Yes, I am now going to take up Radman's work on Sonic's Last Bet since he decided to stop working on it. Unlike what he typed in the intro, this is NOT the second-to-last chapter. Far from it, in fact. I am still going to set up a poll like Radman did to determine whether Sonic survives the bet or not, but I have several ideas that I'm going to use for chapters in this fic.


	15. Mephiles the Dark

**After typing a lot while listening to music from the Beatles, Kansas, Boston, etc...I have finally finished another chapter! Who will Sonic have to spend a day with next?**

* * *

Far away, there was a castle on top of a hill. It was nighttime, and there was lightning striking in the background due to the fierce storm that was raging. A signpost nearby this menacing place said "Gerald Robotnik Laboratory-South Jersey Shore".

The voice of Dr. Gerald Robotnik shouted "Gentlemen…behold!". Inside the laboratory, Eggman's grandfather prepared to reveal his newest weapon.

A voice responded "Um…I'm the only one here, Doctor!" This came from Mephiles the Dark, who was standing nearby Robotnik.

Robotnik responded "I know that! I just wanted to include an obscure joke from a rarely watched show! Now, for the weapon!" Robotnik pulled aside a curtain, revealing an ice cream cone.

Mephiles rolled his eyes, asking "How is an ice cream cone supposed to cause suffering around the world?"

Robotnik paused for a second, then said "Ummm…well…maybe you could-no, that wouldn't work! Hmmm…what if you-I don't know, alright? I was hungry while I was trying to plan out the weapon!"

Mephiles sighed, then responded "I see I've been wasting my time here. I guess I have no choice but to kill you…"

Robotnik fled back to the corner of the room, shouting "What do you mean? You can't kill me! How would you be able to kill me if you just look like a pile of sewage or a hedgehog?"

Mephiles grinned(?), then as he approached Robotnik he commented "You forgot one thing, Doctor…I'm voiced by Dan Green!"

The outside of the laboratory was shown as Robotnik shouted "No!", followed immediately by Mephiles yelling "MIND CRUSH!"

* * *

Back at Sonic's house, Tails was bouncing off the walls-literally-from consuming his newest shipment of chocolate. He charged into Knuckles, spewing out "Hey, Knuckles! How often do you get sex? How often does Sonic get sex? How many miles is it to the moon?"

This last question had Knuckles thinking for quite a long time, before he finally said "Umm…well, it must only be something like 50 miles! It doesn't look that far away whenever I look up at the night sky!" Knuckles then noticed Sonic attempting to sneak out the door. Knuckles immediately donned an American football helmet and tackled Sonic before the azure hedgehog could escape.

Sonic muttered "Damn it! You know, that helmet actually fits you well, considering your mental condition-" before getting punched in the face by Knuckles.

Knuckles replied "Shut up! You're not leaving until you go to your next playmate for the day!"

Sonic got up and inquired "Who would that be?"

Knuckles said "Ah, that would be…hmmm…" before pulling out his list to consult it.

A voice behind Knuckles then said "Me!"

Knuckles jumped up with fear, hitting his head on the ceiling and getting his dreadlocks caught on the ceiling fan. After spinning around a few times, Knuckles said "Whee! This ride is awesome!"

Mephiles pulled down Knuckles, then said "Now, let that blue creature you call your hero do my bidding!"

Knuckles checked the list and said "Hey! You're not on here! Sorry, but it's against the rules!"

Mephiles replied "I don't care about the rules! Besides, remember that Faustian bargain you had with me a little while ago? If you put me on the list, I'll give you your soul back!"

Sonic turned to Knuckles, then said "You did what? Why would you trade your soul to him?"

Knuckles said "He offered cookies, Sonic! COOKIES! Who wouldn't trade their soul for cookies?"

Sonic sighed and said "Fine. Let's just get this day over with!" before approaching Mephiles. The demon grabbed Sonic and pulled him into a dark portal that he created.

At the other end, Sonic woke up in the middle of Station Square with Mephiles standing next to him. Sonic asked "Well, what do I have to do? Have you made another overly elaborate plan to make a girl cry?"

Mephiles grinned(?) and said "This time, I have much worse planned than that! First, you shall steal candy from a baby! Then you shall go to the library, take a book from the "A" section and a book from the "B" section, and switch their places! Finally, you shall go up to a street corner where an old lady needs help crossing. And when she asks you for help to cross the street, you shall respond with…no! BWAHAHAHA!"

Sonic angrily responded "You monster! How could you conceive of such abominable acts?"

Mephiles sunk into the ground and said "Being voiced by Dan Green gives me all sorts of powers. I will not be satisfied until you have completed these tasks. Until then, goodbye!"

Sonic started heading for the library, and along the way spotted an old woman on a walker at a street corner. Identifying this as a way to get one of the tasks finished, he approached her with great haste.

The woman noticed him, and uttered "Oh, my! You are such a fast gentleman…would you mind helping little old me cross this intersection?"

Sonic stopped, and was now faced with this moral dilemma. Part of him wanted to respond affirmatively, and part of him wanted to respond negatively. As he attempted to say some words, he started sweating all over his body.

Inside his mind, he finally drew up the courage to fulfill the task set before him. He opened his mouth slowly and said "No." After this, he covered his mouth and gasped.

The old lady sighed, then asked "How could you be so cruel? You young men need to learn a lesson o two!" She then suddenly swung her walker and hit Sonic across the face with it.

As Sonic fell to the ground, the old lady pounced on him and started punching him with a level of strength that would put Rocky to shame. After she finished the gruesome beating, she spit on Sonic's mangled body before walking across the street by herself.

Sonic dizzily got up and ran off to the library, where he saw a baby carriage in front of the building. The baby was holding up a lollipop, and Sonic perceived his chance. He ran up and grabbed the lollipop, only to then have his arm grabbed by the baby.

Sonic tried to pulled away, but realized that his arm wouldn't budge. He then said to the baby "Um…could you let me go? Right about now?" The baby responded by holding on tighter.

Sonic then panicked, shouting "Help! Somebody, please help me! This baby won't let go of me! HELP!" Someone did indeed burst upon the scene…the baby's mother.

* * *

A few minutes later, an even more badly bruised Sonic stumbled through the library doors. He commented "Well, at least I stole the lollipop, even if only for a few seconds!"

He walked over to the bookshelves and took a book from the "A" section and a book from the "B" section. Just as he took the second book, he held up the first book and paused at that spot. He drew a deep breath, and then put the book from the "A" section into the spot where the second book had been.

When nothing happened, Sonic whooped with joy and sped over to the "A" section. While still cheering with joy, he put the second book into the spot where the first book had been.

As Sonic did this, the librarian nearby used her eagle-eye sight to see what Sonic had just done. She pressed a nearby button and shouted "Security!"

All of the exits were instantly sealed, and bars slid over all of the windows as alarms started ringing all over the place. A man tackled Sonic and handcuffed him, shouting "FBI! You're under arrest!"

After being dragged off to jail, Sonic started pouting over his miserable luck that day. He wondered "When has acting like a total jerk to everyone ever been bad for you? I just don't get it!"

A shadow crawled into the room, then popped up to reveal Mephiles. He said "Good job, Sonic! Now that my evil plans have been carried out, you are done for this day!"

Sonic replied "Thanks…now, can you get me out of here?"

Mephiles laughed and said "No." Just as Sonic lunged at him, Mephiles shouted "Talk to the hand!", which sent Sonic flying back.

Sonic collapsed on the ground, saying "CENSORED! I forgot that you're voiced by Dan Green!"

Just before Mephiles could bring in the killing blow, the wall burst onto him. Tails flew through the hole on the Tornado, shouting "Give me back my source of money for chocolate!"

Mephiles stood up, then muttered "For this, you shall be killed with Sonic. Prepare to face the wrath of Dan Green's voice!"

Tails replied "Your voice is no match for my randomness!", before pouncing onto Mephiles and asking "Why is the moon made out of green cheese? What does 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds' stand for? If you can 'rock the boat', can you 'roll the boat'? When…"

Several minutes later, paramedics were taking the comatose Mephiles out on a stretcher.

* * *

At the nearby mental asylum, Mephiles was in the corner of his padded room. He kept muttering through his straightjacket "Please, have mercy…no more fox boy…NO MORE!" before moving around violently.

As Knuckles looked through the door to Mephiles' room, he said to Sonic "I don't know if he's happy with the result of this day."

Mephiles then started laughing maniacally, causing Sonic to reply "See? He's obviously happy now!"

Knuckles sighed before muttering "Fine. You win for today. But tomorrow will be a new challenge, followed by many more!" Knuckles then ran off while also laughing like a maniac. Sonic just shrugged and calmly walked out.

* * *

**Tonight's ordeal is over! Once I finish writing for my school newspaper, I'll have more time to work on this fic!**


	16. Charmy Bee

**Don't forget to vote in the poll! Remember, only you can determine Sonic's final fate…**

* * *

Sonic, Tails and Knuckles were all sleeping inside Sonic's house peacefully. It was the early morning, and birds were beginning to chirp outside. The sun was creeping up, and a beautiful dawn was on the horizon. Then the peaceful morning quickly changed its tone when Shadow crashed his tank into Sonic's living room.

Shadow jumped out of the tank coughing, an Sonic groggily got up while shouting "What the hell, Shadow? It's CENSORED 6 in the CENSORED morning!"

Tails also shouted "Yeah, CENSORED!"

The other three looked at Tails for a second before turning to each other to argue some more. Knuckles asked "Why did you have to crash it into our house? Couldn't you have hit the neighbors' house instead? I swear that lawn gnome over there is out to get me…"

Shadow grinned and said "I-I think this is an improvement to your h-house. Just think…w-who would want to rob your house if they saw a tank in th-there?"

Sonic paused for a second, then said "You're drunk again, aren't you?"

Shadow hiccupped, then said "Like a fox!" Sonic then turned to Knuckles while scratching his head in confusion. Knuckles shrugged, and they turned back to Shadow.

Sonic said to Shadow "Umm…how many weapons do you have on you right now?"

Shadow replied "P-plenty!"

Sonic then muttered "CENSORED! He's a danger to the public! Well, I guess I'll have to keep him in here until he sobers up!"

Knuckles coughed to interrupt Sonic, saying "You haven't forgotten about today's friend on the list, have you? You have to spend the day with Charmy!"

Sonic then asked "Well, what do I do? I can't let Shadow go like this! Unless…maybe you two could take care of him?" Tails and Knuckles were instantly replaced by two puffs of dust as they sped away.

Shadow then collapsed onto Sonic's shoulder, saying "H-h-hey, man! Wh-where's the party?" Sonic rolled his eyes, then decided to take Shadow along to Charmy's place.

* * *

Once there, Sonic got out of his car just in time to see Espio and Vector flee out of the house. Vector gave Sonic some keys, saying "These are the door keys. Charmy's in his bedroom, the food's in the fridge, and the TV is in the living room!"

Just as Sonic opened his mouth to ask some more questions, Vector and Espio ran off. As they both went over the horizon, Sonic thought he could distinctly hear Espio shout "We're free, Vector! Free at last!"

As Sonic and Shadow headed inside, they saw a mess. Empty food wrappers were strewn all over the rooms, and rubble could be found in every corner. As Sonic asked "What kind of monster could do this?", Charmy popped out from around a corner.

Sonic fled to a corner and started crying. Shadow just stood there blinking. Charmy laughed for a few seconds, then said "Let's play! I want to watch TV! I want ice cream! I want cookies! I want chocolate! I want more video games! I want-"

Sonic responded "You're worse than Tails!"

Shadow hiccupped before saying "Dude…this bug thing is c-creeping me out! I've got to calm down and g-go to the bathroom!" He fled to another room, and Sonic turned on the TV. While Charmy was distracted by this magical device, Sonic went to the kitchen and started sobbing again at his cruel fate.

After a few minutes, Shadow burst into the living room stumbling more than ever before. Sonic walked up to Shadow and asked "How can you be getting less sober?"

Shadow held up a bottle of whiskey and said "I found out how Vector and Espio have survived Charmy for this long!" before passing out on the couch.

Charmy then yawned and said "I'm bored! Let's do a road trip around town!"

Sonic immediately jumped up and said "No way!"

Charmy sighed, then said "Well, if we don't go on a road trip then I guess we can go instead to Disneyworld-"

"A ROAD TRIP IT IS!"

* * *

As the car pulled out onto the street, it started swerving all around the road. Inside the car, Charmy asked Sonic "Um…should you be texting while driving?"

Sonic looked up from his phone and said "Of course! Texting while driving is perfectly safe!" while his car hit three mailboxes, a pedestrian, and a stop sign.

Charmy then wondered "Are you sure about that?", noting the number of cars heading toward them as Sonic drove in the opposite lane.

Sonic looked up from his phone again and replied "Yes, I'm sure! Now I need to tell Knuckles about how I'm still winning the bet!". Sonic went back to his phone while his car tore away some corn stalks in the farm field that the car was now driving through.

Shadow woke up in the backseat, and said "Hey! Driving like that is -hic- dangerous! I-I'll drive for the rest of the way!"

Sonic pulled over alongside the bleachers of the stadium that they were now driving inside. As Sonic and Shadow switched seats, Sonic asked "Are you sure that you're not too drunk to drive?"

Shadow responded "O-of course I'm not, officer! You-you can't arrest me until you've read me my Miran…muh…Duran…da…thing rights!" before driving through a farm silo.

As Charmy noticed the falling silo behind them, he asked "How did you get a tiny car like that to knock over that giant farm silo?" Shadow just shrugged and continued his drive through some office cubicle walls.

Sonic shouted "It's his bad driving skills! His driving controls suck in both Sonic 06 and Shadow the Hedgehog!"

Shadow gave Sonic the finger, then shouted back "Well, my game still is better than your most recent one! A Werehog? The writers totally messed up on the wording, so it means "Manhog"! So in that game, you become "Sonic the Manhog"? That sounds to me like the premise of a bad yaoi fic-"

Sonic's eye twitched as he shouted "Don't you dare mention those!"

One horribly banged up car later, Shadow pulled the car into the driveway at Charmy's place. While Charmy and Shadow jumped out, Sonic was still sobbing in the backseat while thinking of what he would have to pay for car insurance from now on.

Charmy looked around, then said "That…was…AWESOME!" Shadow was too busy being passed out on the front step.

A few hours later, Sonic drove his car that now looked like Swiss cheese back into his driveway. As he was greeted by Knuckles and Tails, he asked "Are you ready to just quit and give me the money now? You can't get much worse than Charmy!"

Knuckles grumbled "Damn it, you're right! Well…I'm not giving it up yet!"

Inside Sonic's head, he thought "Hmm…I'll probably be paying thousands of dollars more from insurance thanks to staying with this bet so far, and this bet is only for two hundred dollars, so…this bet sounds totally worth sticking to!"

And so thanks to Sonic's stupidity, the story was able to continue for yet another day…

* * *

**I'm stuck choosing between a few characters for the next chapter, but I'll have that figured out soon!**


	17. Chris Thorndyke

**It took me a while, but I finally figured out a plot for this chapter!**

* * *

The blue abomination of nature we know as Sonic got up on this day to find a grinning Amy sitting on a chair in the corner of his room. As he instinctively ran for the door, he tried to open it to find it locked. He started shouting "Tails! Knuckles! It's a Code Pink! I repeat, A CODE PINK! The stalker has broken into the house! Help!"

Amy then walked over to Sonic and said "They can't help you now. I sent them to Shadow's place, telling them that he wanted them to hold a party there!"

Sonic started trying to barge through his door, muttering "CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED…" He then looked to his window, only to find it barred.

Amy then held up a sledgehammer and said "Have you ever watched the movie Misery? It'll be like that, only with a lot more sex!"

As Sonic screamed more than in his entire life, he woke up. After lying in the fetal position and sucking his thumb for a few minutes, he went to the kitchen for some breakfast.

Once there, he found Tails with a chef hat on. He suddenly shouted at Sonic "Get a move on, you CENSORED piece of CENSORED!" Tails threw a pancake at Sonic, which was grabbed in mid-air and gobbled up by Knuckles.

Sonic asked "Why are you so rude today, Tails?"

Knuckles said "He saw the show Hell's Kitchen last night and has been acting nonstop like Gordon Ramsey since then!"

Tails shouted "Where are those CENSORED orders! Seriously, all of you might as well just cook CENSORED!", and then threw some cooked French Toast at Sonic. Knuckles and Sonic both grabbed it at the same time, and started scuffling on the floor over who would get to eat it.

One kick in Knuckles' crotch later, Sonic swallowed his French Toast down happily. Knuckles then got up and said "Hehe…you're going to need that energy if you want to survive today! I found someone who could finally make you lose the bet."

Sonic asked "Who? If I survived Charmy, I think I can take any other of our acquaintances!"

Knuckles grinned, then whispered "Including Chris Thorndyke?"

Sonic collapsed onto the ground, going into the fetal position while sucking his thumb again. He muttered "Sonic X…4Kids…NO!"

A few minutes of sobbing later, Sonic got up and asked "Can't you give me someone else today? I need some preparation before facing someone like Chris!"

**Stop whining.**

Sonic replied "But I don't wanna!"

**Have you ever seen the movie Stranger Than Fiction?**

Sonic gulped, then said "Yes."

**Don't tempt me.**

* * *

At the Thorndyke manor, the whiny Sora rip-off was thinking about how the day with Sonic should go. As Sonic crawled into Chris' room, Chris shouted "HOORAY! Fanboy glomp time!"

Chris then hugged Sonic tightly, causing Sonic to gasp for air as he said "Help…me!" before fainting. One hospital visit later, Knuckles grinned at Sonic as the blue hedgehog was being dragged off by Chris to a street fair.

Sonic gave the finger to Knuckles, saying "After this day is done, I'm kicking your ass!"

Several rollercoaster rides later, Chris continued glomping Sonic to near death. Just as Sonic was about to finally escape to the light, Chris saw a candy stall and let go. While color was returning to Sonic's face, Chris grabbed some candy, rubber ducks, flu vaccines, and a motor scooter.

Sonic looked at this collection and said "Whatever you have planned, this can't be good."

Chris then summoned a Keyblade and said "You're going with me, whether you want to or not! Unless you want me to take out your heart…"

Sonic hopped into the motor scooter, muttering "Stupid Keyblades…"

Chris responded "What was that?" before stabbing Sonic through the heart with his Keyblade.

Sonic split into two, with one of his parts becoming a low-level Heartless. When Sonic's nobody looked over at the low-level Heartless, he said "I only got turned into a normal Heartless? That sucks! I wanted to be some really huge Heartless that could kick a lot of ass!"

Chris killed the easy Heartless, then asked "Now will you shut up?"

Sonic rolled his eyes, then said "Fine. Let's just go save Kingdom Hearts or whatever bullcrap you have planned for today." So they drove off on the motor scooter to Chris' mansion.

Once they arrived, Sonic asked "Can I get my heart back yet?"

Chris replied "No."

"What about now?"

"No."

"…Now?"

"Fine! Just shut up!", and Chris restored Sonic's miserable heart. Chris then put on a leather jacket and sunglasses, saying "Let's roll!"

They stormed into the mansion, and found it crawling with Heartless. Chris' grandfather was rolling aorund on the floor, having a heart attack. Sonic asked "What the hell are all of these Heartless doing here?"

Chris answered "They're here for me. And the Keyblade. SAY GOODBYE, motherCENSOREDs!" before pulling out a machine gun and mowing down the Heartless army.

Sonic inquired "Aren't you supposed to use the Keyblade to kill them?"

Chris' grandfather, who was still having a heart attack, yelled "Help!" and was ignored.

Chris laughed at Sonic's question, then shouted "You really think I'd use a stupid CENSOREDing giant key to deal with every Heartless? They may have forced me to do that for the Kingdom Hearts games, but not now!"

After all of the Heartless were wiped out, Chris pulled out a lighter and wondered "Do you have some smokes, Sonic?" Neither of them noticed Chris' grandfather still having a heart attack nearby.

Sonic gasped and said "Chris...You've been smoking?! What's caused you to act so out of character?"

Chris' grandfather shouted "HELP!", and was ignored again.

Chris replied to Sonic "This is releasing my pent-up repression from the days under 4Kids! Now if you excuse me, I have to go have some more fun by jumping some canyons with a motorcycle!"

So the new badass hopped onto his motor scooter. Chris then drove over his grandfather and off into the sunset, leaving Sonic to say "Woo-hoo! Chris said 'more fun', meaning he's had fun today! I win for today!"

* * *

Back at Sonic's place, Knuckles noticed the door slamming open as Sonic barged in. Knuckles said "You won for today? Oh, CENSORED-" before getting punched in the jaw.

One beating that would make most wrestlers cringe later, Knuckles yelled "Fine! No more hard ones for a couple of days! Are you happy with that?"

Sonic calmed down, then said "Yes!"

Knuckles grabbed the list and started re-arranging it, prompting Sonic to ask "What did you initially have planned for tomorrow?"

Knuckles grumbled "Elise. But I guess you want one that's not so hard on you now…". The echidna crossed Elise from that spot and moved the name down while switching it with another.

Sonic sighed with relief at having dodged that bullet, and went to bed with high hopes for the next couple of days.

* * *

**A badass Chris…what next?**


	18. Marine the Raccoon

**(sigh)…You know, there are some times where I wonder how such bad characters could ever be made. You'll see why with today's character.**

* * *

Today, Sonic was woken up by a sugar-high Tails as usual. But this time, Tails was shouting "How's it down unda, mate? You're gonna have quite a barbie with today's character."

Sonic groggily asked "What the hell are you talking about, Tails? Down under? Mate? What kind of distortion of language is that?"

Tails replied "Whalloping whallopers! You really don't get it, do ya?"

Sonic pushed Tails out of the way, saying "Tails, shut the CENSORED up and stop acting like some weird stereotype."

Knuckles then entered the room and said "That's not far off from what you have today. Today's partner is going to be...Marine!"

Sonic buried his head into his hands and said "Oh no…this is going to be annoying! You said today's was going to be easy!"

Knuckles replied "That is one of the easier ones! Unless you want that day with Elise after all-"

"CENSORED, NO!"

* * *

One parallel dimension slide later, Sonic arrived at Marine's place. She looked up and said "Oy, mate! What brings ya round these parts today?"

Sonic covered his ears and said "She doesn't exist, she doesn't exist…I don't want SEGA to get charged with racism!"

Marine then asked "Whaddya wanna do today? Should we cook a shrimp on a barbie? Or maybe go dingo hunting? Whaddya say?"

Sonic replied "I say that you're the worst racial stereotype to appear in a videogame since that Arabian guy from Link: The Faces of Evil!"

Marine sighed and said "Let's go in and watch some TV."

Once inside, Marine flipped around the channels until she said "Whoa, mate! It's him!". She started bowing before the TV, which showed Steve Irwin going through a jungle.

Sonic buried his head in his hands again and said "Oh CENSORED…we're so getting sued!"

Irwin approached a snake, then said "Look at this bugga! I'm going to grab it and wrestle with its tail, despite the fact that the poison from its bite could kill me in a few hours!"

As Irwin started wrestling with the angry snake, Marine jumped up and down excitedly. She shouted "Crikey, are you seeing this?"

Sonic replied "If you mean do I see Steve Irwin acting like an idiot while stereotyping his entire country, then yes."

Marine then asked "Can we go surfing at the beach? Huh?"

Sonic was about to deny this request, but then remembered that Australia had topless beaches. He ran out the door, shouting "Hot chicks, here I come!"

* * *

At the beach, Sonic was busy flirting with said females when Marine approached him and asked "What's taking you so long, mate? I need to get surfing!"

Sonic responded "Bug off, annoyance."

Marine then stated "You just came here to flirt with women, didn't you?"

Sonic angrily replied "Hey! That's only entirely true!"

Marine rolled her eyes and left, muttering "Stupid bugga…"

**You're going surfing, right now!**

Sonic yelled "No! I want to get some from the hot chicks here!"

**You don't have too much to give them…**

Sonic asked "And what do you mean by that?"

**Isn't it obvious? The reason nobody can see what you have "down there" in your games…is because you're too small down there!**

Sonic muttered "Can it." before heading to the water.

As Sonic stumbled on a surfboard, Marine shouted "Just sit on your board for now!" Sonic still somehow fell off, and started screaming despite the fact that he was in two inches of water.

Marine rolled her eyes and surfed out to some deeper parts. Sonic muttered "I'll show her!" before also heading out to the deeper parts.

Once he inevitably fell off and had to be rescued by the lifeguard, Sonic was back on shore. As he thought about leaving, Marine saw Sonic and shouted "AGAIN! AGAIN! Do that again, wotcha!" Sonic grumbled something about the meaning of life and pie before going out to sea again.

* * *

Several near drowning deaths later, Marine left the beach laughing happily. Sonic left the beach on a hospital stretcher.

The reason he was unconscious in the stretcher was not due to the near-drowning, but what happened afterwards. As the lifeguard dragged Sonic onto the beach and started performing CPR on him, the blue hedgehog realized that he was receiving it from a cast member of the show Baywatch.

He started opening his eyes, preparing to see Pamela Anderson giving him lip-to-lip resuscitation. It was actually David Hasselhoff.

And that is why Sonic fainted again, leading to him being on a hospital stretcher.

Knuckles happened to be walking by the beach when Sonic's stretcher passed by, and the echidna asked what was happening. A few minutes of laughing at Sonic's CPR later, Knuckles decided to get him to wake up.

As Knuckles jumped into the ambulance, a paramedic asked "What are you doing? We can't risk harming the patient until we've made sure that it can't cause brain damage from all of the water-"

"CENSORED that, I need my money!" Knuckles declared before punching Sonic through the ambulance wall. Sonic woke up instantly and shouted "AUGH! I don't want to kiss the Got Talent guy!"

Knuckles jumped out of the ambulance and asked "Are you sure you didn't receive any brain damage? I want you to at least be able to count the money you'll give me when you inevitably lose the bet!"

Sonic said "Dupleshoumt! Garplebwink!" before twitching his eye.

Knuckles responded "I'll take that as a yes!" So the two of them left for the day, ready for tomorrow's story.

* * *

**Don't worry, Sonic will be magically mentally repaired by the next chapter! He can't suffer if he doesn't realize that he's suffering!**


	19. Blaze the Cat

**Today, it's everyone's favorite pyromaniac! How long will it take until Sonic is burned(literally and figuratively)?**

* * *

The above question was immediately answered when Tails poured boiling water onto Sonic to wake him up. As Sonic got up, he shouted "Tails! You know how much I hate water!"

Knuckles then randomly yelled "You know how much I hate your mom! BURN!" before running off cackling.

Sonic shrugged before saying "Well, it was probably a good thing that you two woke me up right now, considering the dream I was having…"

Tails jumped onto the bed and asked "What was it about? Pizza? Fruitcakes? The International Convention on Tonnage of Measurement of Ships in London 1969?"

Sonic replied "It was a horrible nightmare! You, me, and Eggman were in an episode of some bad TV show where the backgrounds were horribly drawn and made no physical sense! It was like the animators didn't care one bit when they were doing it! Anyways, in each episode of the show Eggman had two really stupid, pointless robot minions that would keep trying to catch us in a style that completely ripped off Road Runner. One of them looked like a trash can on wheels, and the other was a robotic chicken with a voice that made screeching nails on a chalkboard sound like Beethoven! And then at the end of that episode, I went into an awkward PSA segment where I talked to kids about pedophiles!"

Tails shuddered before declaring "Just thinking about something like that makes me want to vomit!" And that would explain the mess made a few minutes later.

Once they were all in the living room, Knuckles sighed as he gave Sonic today's list entry. "Well, you've got Blaze today. Enjoy your easy ones while you can…"

Sonic licked his lips as he said "Maybe I'll get laid today!" Knuckles and Tails both just sighed as the hopeless idiot stormed out the door proudly.

* * *

At Blaze's future/alternate dimension/wherever-the-CENSORED palace, Sonic and Blaze were sitting in the kitchen. After a few minutes of awkward pausing, Sonic said "Um…what do you watch on TV?"

Blaze responded "I don't have a TV."

After a few more minutes of sitting around silent, Sonic asked "Well…do you have a computer?"

Blaze said "No."

Another few minutes of awkward silence later, Sonic asked "Hmm…Have you read anything recently?"

Blaze replied "Yeah! I was studying for my court exams on forms of knight armor used throughout my kingdom's history, when I stumbled across a book about their battle code of conduct and delved into that!"

Sonic paused for a second, then said "…Yeah."

Once another several minutes of this exciting date had passed by, Sonic finally kicked over the table and shouted "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I'M HORNY AND I NEED TO DO SOMETHING!"

Blaze responded "Oh, I have an idea. Let's play croquet!"

Sonic muttered "That's not what I had in mind…" as they headed out to the courtyard.

After Blaze swung her mallet and sent a ball flying, squinted his eyes into the distance and said "And there it's going…going…still going…holy CENSORED, that's far…and still going…and it's finally landed-oh no it bounced! Wow, that's a long bounce flight…" With this expectation upon him, Sonic lined up for his shot. He swung the mallet, missed the ball, and the mallet hit his face.

* * *

One ER visit later, Sonic and Blaze were back in the kitchen. The hedgehog sighed before saying "Let's try another activity. Why don't we just have some Naked Happy Time?" Another ER visit later, Sonic was back in the kitchen with burn wounds alongside his head wound.

As Sonic grumbled something about Blaze playing hard-to-get, he finally stood up and said "If you're not going to score with me, I'll just go have some lunch."

Sonic decided that he wanted something simple and quick today, so he grabbed some peanut butter, bread, and jelly from the food pantry. As Sonic lay out the ingredients on a counter, Blaze inquired "What are you doing with those?"

Sonic looked up and said "You mean you've never had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before?"

Blaze replied "A what-now?"

Sonic rolled his eyes and declared "Never mind. I guess your food is usually of a higher quality than this." He then turned away from Blaze and pulled out the book "Making a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich For Dummies".

Sonic grabbed a knife from nearby and dipped it into the peanut butter. He then proceeded to put the knife on a bread slice, like a surgeon preparing for an operation. As the peanut-butter-covered knife came in contact with the bread's surface and started moving across it, Sonic heard a voice say "Oooooh…keep moving that!"

He turned around and saw Blaze staring at the slice of bread with an ecstatic look on her face. Sonic shrugged and went back to spreading the peanut butter, Blaze said "Mmm…spread that stuff all over! Give the bread that peanut butter!"

Sonic looked back again to see Blaze slumping on the chair with dizziness. But she would not stop focusing on the bread with peanut butter. As Sonic turned back and finished spreading the peanut butter on the bread slice, Blaze shouted "Yes! Oh, baby, rub it through!"

Sonic was getting the creeps from this, so he started spreading the jelly on the other slice of bread. As the jelly moved across, Sonic could hear Blaze moaning more and more. Blaze suddenly yelled "Show that bread who's boss! Smother it with jelly, punish it for being naughty!"

Sonic thought for a second, then suddenly figured it out: Blaze had a fetish for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

As Sonic finished spreading the jelly, Blaze started yelling "YES! YES! OH, YES! Squeeze them together! Combine them!" As Sonic put the two slices of bread together, Blaze shrieked and clutched the area between her legs.

As Sonic went over to Blaze, she looked up and stated "You…a bedroom…now!" He swooped Blaze up and they went to a nearby bedroom as quick as possible.

As Sonic took off Blaze's dress and leggings, he came to a problem. "Why are your panties and bra made of metal?"

Blaze did a facepalm and muttered "Oh, shoot! I forgot about the chastity belt!"

As Sonic was about to ask what she meant, he saw that the metal panties and bra were connected at the back by a combination lock.

Blaze stated "Since I am a part of the royal family, I'm required to wear this chastity belt. My father won't give me the combination to open it until I'm married!"

Sonic announced "Not if I can help it!" He then pulled out a stethoscope and the book "Safecracking For Dummies". He put the stethoscope by the lock and started turning the lock's wheel.

* * *

In the palace's throne room, the king randomly asked one of his servants that was passing by "Where has my daughter gone? It's been a while since that croquet match…"

The servant replied "Sir, I'm a bathroom cleaner. I don't know where your daughter went."

The king shouted "You don't know where she is? To the guillotine with you!" and that servant was taken away by the guards screaming.

Just as the king turned to another servant to ask that same question again, one of the servants shouted "I heard she was…err…still hanging around in this castle! Yeah, she's still here!"

The king ordered "Find her at once!" He left with several soldiers to search the castle for Blaze.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sonic was still busy trying to get into some pussy. He looked up and asked "How did that last word not get censored?"

**My lawyers have advised me that "some pussy" could be referring to Blaze as a pussycat.**

"Oh." Sonic went back to his work, and finally clicked open the lock. As the lock fell off, so did the chastity belt. But as Sonic was finally getting it on, he would soon find out a new problem in this…Blaze was a screamer.

It wouldn't have been so bad for Sonic if Blaze's screams of delight hadn't attracted the king and all of his men to that room. They burst through the door and found Sonic and Blaze in their compromising position.

The king gasped and shouted "How could you do this, Blaze? He was just meant to be playing with you for the day!"

Sonic couldn't help replying "Oh, we're playing, alright…" before getting slapped by Blaze.

The king sighed and declared "Since you have figured out Blaze's combination, there is only one option left for you…the two of you shall have to marry."

Sonic stood up and shouted "Marriage?!"

"Ah, so you do not like taking responsibility for what you've just done?"

"It's not that so much as the fact that Amy Rose will kill me in my sleep once she finds out!"

"She cannot harm you here. We have the safest defenses in this world."

"That still won't stop a crazy fan girl like her from finding a way in and killing me!"

"Enough of this nonsense. Take him to the dungeons to prepare for tomorrow's wedding!"

* * *

One dungeon escort later, Sonic was thinking about what to do. After searching around and finding nothing for help, he finally pulled out and consulted the book "Escaping from a Medieval Castle Dungeon For Dummies".

After doing an escape involving a rotten apple, a shoelace, and an M16, Sonic went out into the courtyard and found himself surrounded by the king's army. Just before the groom-to-be was about to be escorted away again, a bomb started heading for the guards.

As they ducked out of the way, Tails flew down in the Tornado. Sonic jumped on and they flew off into the sky. One of the guards shouted "Let's fire some arrows at the steel bird-thing! Maybe that'll take it down!" When this didn't work, it was a trip to the guillotine for him.

Back home, Sonic was confronted at the door by Knuckles. The echidna said "You still need to finish giving Blaze some fun!"

Yello's song "Oh Yeah" started playing in the background as Sonic winked and replied "She had a fun time, all right…" before putting on some random sunglasses and walking into the house.

* * *

**If you didn't get that song reference, just remember the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Anyways, with the peanut butter and jelly sandwich fetish/chastity belt stuff, that sex scene in this chapter is probably the most ridiculous sex scene ever made since the one from Troll 2! (If you don't know what I'm talking about, look up "Troll 2 popcorn clip". It will be worth the laugh.)**


	20. Espio the Chameleon

…**HEE-YAH!**

* * *

As Sonic went downstairs this morning, he noticed Tails and Knuckles bickering. Knuckles shouted "A llama and a duck can't breed!"

Tails replied "Yes, but a penguin and a platypus can! HA!"

Knuckles asked "What are you talking about? They can't either."

Tails then said "Okay, how about a ham sandwich?"

Knuckles paused, then inquired "And what?"

Tails then shouted "Pineapple!" before skipping off giggling. This left Knuckles to sit and ponder such things as what the hell Tails was talking about and why the galaxy moves in a circular motion. Nah, just kidding about the second one.

Having had enough of this absurdity, Sonic decided to go to today's guest, Espio. As he headed to the door, he dodged a barrage of cookies that Tails was throwing at Knuckles. Sonic shouted back "Don't break my mother's vase-" just as a loud smash was heard. Sonic wandered over to Espio's place with a grumpy attitude.

Once there, Sonic found to his relief that Charmy was nowhere in sight. Upon asking Espio about this, the chameleon shuddered and said "Vector's taking care of him for the day."

Meanwhile, a certain crocodile was arguing with Charmy at a nearby Dairy Queen. Charmy shouted "But I want more ice cream!"

Vector replied "50 buckets is already enough! If you have anymore, you'll get sick."

Charmy whined before shouting "Give me my ice cream! NOW!"

Vector put in his headphones to drown out Charmy's sound, but that didn't stop him from seeing Charmy's gun as it was pointed at Vector's face. As Vector was about to ask where Charmy got such a weapon, the bee grinned and said "I nicked this from Shadow. Now…who wants some ice cream?"

* * *

Back inside Espio's home, Sonic was tied up to a circular target. Sonic asked "Are you sure this game is going to be fun for me?"

Espio shrugged and said "I need somebody alive to practice my ninja skills. I keep killing all of my targets before I'm done practicing…" As Espio raised a throwing star, Sonic screamed.

Lots of the usual screaming with pain and begging for mercy later, Espio finally untied a bloody Sonic. The hedgehog stumbled a bit, then collapsed on the floor. Espio shouted "Sonic, no! I don't want to get blood on my new carpet!"

Sonic groggily got up, then asked "Why are you so determined to train right now? What threats are there currently?"

Espio sighed, then grumbled "My neighbors." As Sonic was wondering what Espio meant, he looked out a nearby window and saw a pirate ship floating next door.

Sonic yelled "Hold on a second! How can a pirate ship be floating on land?" He then approached the window and saw that the pirate ship was floating on a giant aquarium.

One of the pirates shouted "Oy! Do I see one of you ninja dogs at the window? Curse ye!" Espio ran to the window, then gave the finger to his neighbors.

Another pirate yelled "Arr! We have been insulted by ye damn ninjas!"

Espio turned to Sonic and said "Now you see why I'm training?"

Sonic then surprisingly used logic by inquiring "If the pirates are stuck out on that aquarium, how can they cause you any trouble besides insults?" Said question was answered when a cannonball shot through the window and blew up the room.

After clearing through the smoke, Sonic had now figured out a way to make Espio happy for the day that didn't involve hookers. Now he just had to kick some pirate "arse".

Sonic looked up and asked "Really? How lame can you be to use a pun like that?"

**Silence, fool. Besides, ****you're**** complaining about ****my**** use of puns?**

Espio stated "He's got a point, you know."

Sonic muttered "Shut it." before heading out of the house with Espio. As they got outside, they realized there was a problem…there was no ladder to take them up to the aquarium's top.

The captain of the pirates laughed and said "Ha! Ye cannot reach us at our height!"

Sonic looked at the pirates and asked "Wait…If there's no ladder leading into the aquarium, how did you guys get up there?"

The captain paused for a second, then said "I don't know."

"How do you get food supplies for that matter? I can't see anyone from the postal service trying to deliver anything up there-"

"None of it matters! All that matters is that you can't hurt us, so we win!"

Espio became miserable, and Sonic kicked the wall of the aquarium in anger. This caused the glass to break, sending the poor hedgehog on a raging river heading down the street. As the water spilled out of the aquarium, the pirate captain shouted "Avast! Abandon ship!" The pirates jumped into lifeboats, but those also sank down into the gap at the bottom of the aquarium.

As the pirates crawled out of the wreckage of their boats, they looked up and saw Espio pointing a machine gun at them. The pirate captain stated "Whoa…ninjas don't use machine guns!"

Espio grinned and said "They do now." before pulling the trigger.

* * *

Meanwhile, a not so badass scene occurred in front of Sonic's house, which is where the water conveniently took him. As Knuckles opened the door, he noticed a wet Sonic on his doorstep, curled up in the fetal position and sucking his thumb.

After inevitably taking a picture of this and posting it everywhere on the Internet, Knuckles decided to help Sonic. He kicked and punched at Sonic…and then kicked and punched…and then when that didn't work, he decided to kick and punch some more.

Finally, Tails stumbled onto the scene. The fox chose to do what he knew best…annoy Sonic to death with pointless questions. After being asked about how photosynthesis worked for the third time, Sonic got up and shouted "Shut up, Tails!"

Tails cheered and announced "You just referenced that one movie of ours!"

Sonic asked "What movie?" A few minutes later, the three of them were sitting on the couch and watching said movie.

Sonic asked "Why is the president's daughter such a whore in this movie?"

Knuckles asked "Why am I wearing an Indiana Jones hat?"

Tails asked "Why does Eggman want to marry the president's daughter? Isn't she, like, half his age?"

Sonic commented "Not to mention that she's also a whore."

Tails then asked "Did I just cop a feel on her?"

Knuckles then asked "Did that ending just rip-off Terminator 2's ending?"

* * *

**Some of the lines I wrote in this chapter were more epic than I thought they would be. Anyways, I've got a pretty intense plot planned out for the next chapter…**


	21. Rouge the Bat

**I've been busy, but now I'm finally going to soon finish this fic!**

In the living room, Sonic was dealing with the usual morning mess of Knuckles' stupidity and Tails' insanity. Tails played Tetris on a computer for a few minutes, then sang opera for the next few minutes.

Meanwhile, Knuckles was trying to understand how a radio worked. As he hit a button and heard music some out of it, he shouted "Whoa! It's almost like there's people inside of there!" After checking to make sure there was no one inside of the radio, Knuckles proceeded to cook his greatest confection: a ham sandwich.

After this gourmet breakfast, Knuckles unveiled the list and said "Today's guest is…umm…Rouge!"

Sonic shouted "Awesome! I'm going to get laid today!"

Knuckles stated "You know that she's Shadow's girlfriend, right?"

Sonic said "That doesn't stop her from dressing like a total slut. I mean, she might as well hold up a footlong sign that says 'You must be this big to ride'!"

Knuckles replied "If you sleep with her, Shadow's probably going to kill you."

The Final Jeopardy theme music started playing in the background as Sonic weighed out his choices. "Living another day…or doing the hot chick. Not getting brutally slaughtered…or getting it on. CENSORED it, now I'm horny!" Sonic ran out the door, choosing the illogical decision of almost certain death.

* * *

Once there, the obvious happened and they were both soon in Rouge's room, making out. As Sonic reached into Rouge's pants, she suddenly shouted "Wait!"

Sonic asked "What is it? Are you suddenly feeling deep, emotional bonds with Shadow that you don't want to lose on the urges of sexuality, so you therefore are now loyal to only him in the hopes of a happy, fruitful relationship?"

Rouge replied "Hell no! I just want to tell you ahead of time…"

"About what?"

"Well…have you ever seen the movie The Crying Game? This will be slightly less surprising if you have…"

Sonic pulled off Rouge's pants and screamed "AUGH! You have a…but you're a…but right there is a…what's going on?"

Rouge sighed and admitted "I used to be a man. However, next week I'll finally get this removed and become a full woman!"

Sonic backed away and asked "So…this whole time…you've been a tranny? How come Shadow doesn't know?"

Rouge blushed and replied "Well, it turns out that Shadow doesn't exactly know about female anatomy. He thinks babies are made from …er, behind."

Sonic was speechless for several seconds, then rolled onto the floor with laughter. "Shadow…doesn't….oh my gosh!"

"Don't tell anyone this!"

"I won't tell anyone this, I'll tell everyone this!" After a few more minutes, Sonic got up and asked "Wait…aren't you secretly pregnant? How can that happen if you're a tranny?"

"I'm not pregnant!"

"Are you sure about that?"

"How can I get pregnant taking it up the ass?"

"…I can show you a great number of fanfics where that happens-"

"Okay, I've heard enough."

After a minute of silence, Sonic asked "So…Shadow's never actually…you know…"

"Yes, he's still a virgin."

Another few minutes of laughing on the floor later, Sonic got up and said "This is great!…Well, I didn't get laid, but this is still great!"

Rouge stated "Because I told you this, I want you to do something for me."

"What?"

"Help Shadow solve this problem."

Sonic sighed, then responded "Fine. I think I know where to go to get him laid."

Once Shadow arrived home, he saw a grinning Sonic inside. Upon questioning what this annoying rat was doing at his place, Rouge looked away. Sonic walked up to Shadow's ear and whispered inside.

"WOMEN HAVE A WHAT?"

* * *

One plane trip to Vegas later, Sonic and Shadow were on their way to get both laid and herpes. They first stopped at a bar for their hopes. After drinking for a while, an argument erupted between Shadow and a hooded man over what to play on the jukebox.

Sonic was ignoring the scuffle for a while, at least until Shadow punched the man and knocked off his hood, revealing an Elvis.

Shadow laughed and shouted "One of you guys? In Vegas? Who would expect an Elvis impersonator in Vegas?"

The other man looked around and muttered "Yes…impersonator…"

Shadow then broke a nearby beer bottle, pointed it at the Elvis, and said "I want to play the Heavy Metal Surfin' Bird!"

"And I want to play regular Surfin' Bird."

Sonic then stepped in and said "Wait…Heavy Metal Surfin' Bird? That song actually EXISTS?"

Shadow grinned, then announced "Let me show you." He put in a coin, starting the music. The results shocked everyone in the bar.

The Elvis stuttered "Those monsters! I'll destroy them all, starting with you!" Elvis tackled Shadow, beginning one of the strangest fights in Vegas history.

Soon, Shadow was banging Elvis' head against a barstool while the song wrapped up. With enough blood on his face, Elvis fled the scene and said "My friends will find you soon!"

His "friends" did find them soon, and happened to have Rouge tied up in the trunk of their car. Elvis stepped out of said car, walked into the bar, and led Sonic and Shaodw out for negotiations.

"My "friends from Italy" have faked my death well…but they don't need to fake yours."

Shadow asked "What do you want?"

"Renounce all your punk bands, and I'll let the girl go. Otherwise we'll keep her for our own fun.", not noticing Sonic's giggles at the word "girl".

Shadow replied "Hell no!", leading to an instant drive-off.

Sonic shrugged, saying "Meh. They'll find out the truth eventually! Now let's get wasted and laid!"

* * *

One perfect re-enactment of The Hangover later, Sonic and Shadow went back home to find a content Rouge. "Upon discovering my secret, they paid for the surgery entirely!"

Sonic replied "Awesome! Let's celebrate by using this new gift!"

As he and Shadow approached Rouge, Sonic started hearing Knuckles shouting his name. Suddenly, a slap across the face woke Sonic up on a hospital bed.

He looked around, seeing all of his friends around. "Wha…what happened?"

Knuckles responded "You went to Rouge's place, tried to make out with her, and she beat the crap out of you for it."

"WHAT? You mean-"

**Yes. Most of this chapter has been in your head.**

"So _that_ explains why so many of the events in this chapter were so random and fast-paced! But…that means I didn't get to have any fun today!"

Shadow then said "What, did you actually think you were going to get laid?" Everybody laughed together at this hilarious joke.

As the laughter died down, Shadow muttered "Oh yeah, I'm going to have to kill you now.", and the laughter continued once everyone got to see how badly Shadow could beat up the screaming Sonic.

**What misfortunes lie ahead? I'm hoping for many…and I apologize to any Rouge fan boys that I have traumatized with this idea of her being a tranny all along. I hope you enjoy your nightmares!**


	22. Vector the Croc

**Beware! For there are many references to "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" in this chapter! This means quite a bit of dark comedy ahead...**

* * *

The badly bruised Sonic woke up in his bed from another bad night, worried about his bet. "Where's Rouge? She still needs to find a way to become happy!"

Knuckles sighed and said "She wasn't too happy when you tried to hit on her...but she became happy again after seeing Shadow beat the crap out of you!"

"YES!"

"Damn it! Why did I tell you that? I could've lied to you about the result and then have taken the money for myself."

**You won't be able to lie about the results while I'm here, bitch.**

Knuckles grumbled as he stormed off.

Sonic then began to worry about who who was next. He shoved Tails into a closet to stop those annoying noises, then went down to meet his fate with Knuckles.

Knuckles looked at the list and said "Hmmm…I guess I'll have you go with Vector today! This is on the basis that he's the only one I remembered to put on the list today!"

Sonic sighed with relief. Upon being asked why, Sonic replied "Vector's going to be easy. He spends half of his time listening to music, and the other half getting stoned."

Knuckles grinned and said "That's where your problem is."

"What?"

"Vector's out of pot."

Sonic's jaw gaped. After several seconds of an awkward silence, Sonic said "CENSORED!"

* * *

"_**Sonic Makes a Drug Deal"**_

_**It's Always Sunny in Mobius**_

* * *

At Vector's home, Sonic and Knuckles were trying to calm down Vector's anger.

Sonic suggested "Maybe you should watch TV a bit."

Vector yelled "I can't concentrate without my drugs!" before throwing a random vase of flowers at Knuckles.

One dodge later Knuckles said "Is that all you can throw?" before dodging an entire stereo set.

Sonic shouted to Knuckles "How about we go Steve Irwin all over his ass?" This angered Vector more.

Knuckles yelled back "And get killed by stingrays while doing a documentary? No way!"

"...What?"

Just as Vector angrily picked up the TV, Sonic yelled "Oh, CENSORED!" and ran out with Knuckles.

* * *

As both of them ran as far down the street as possible, they bumped into Tails. Sonic asked "What are you doing here? I told you to hit your head against the wall until you had hallucinations, and then let them babysit you!"

Tails replied "I did, but then they disappeared when I followed their suggestion to raid the medicine cabinet!"

Sonic groaned, then said "That's what I wanted to do! Oh well…just be careful! Knuckles and I have to go make a drug deal right over…err…there!", pointing to a random dark alley.

He went inside and found a homeless man grumbling. Sonic asked "Excuse me?"

The homeless guy continued grumbling. Sonic then yelled "I. Don't. Speak. Homeless!"

After no result, Sonic held up a wad of money and indicated snorting. The homeless guy understood and led them deeper into the alley. The man then held up a bag of pot, indicating with his other hand for the money.

Just as Sonic was about to hand it over, he heard Tails shouting "WILD CARD, BITCHES!" and crash a stolen truck into the alley. Many crates fell onto the homeless guy, causing Knuckles and Tails to run into there.

Knuckles asked "Do you think he's dead?"

As the man started getting up, muttering "I'm okay…", Sonic yelled "Zombie! Let's stop it!" So they beat him up and took the drugs, ignoring his screams.

As they left, Sonic declared "That'll teach him to be a zombie!"

* * *

Once Vector was finally calmed down, Sonic declared the day over. He therefore asked who was next on the list. Knuckles looked over the list and said "Umm…I can't think of anyone else, really…"

Sonic asked "So I've won?"

"Not when I think of some other friend of ours…ummm…crap, I can't think of any..."

As Sonic's hope was building up, Tails shouted "What was that about friends? We have plenty! There's characters in all of the 2D and 3D games, the handheld games, the TV shows, the movie…and that's not even starting on all of the comics-"

Sonic yelled "Tails, shut the CENSORED up!"

Knuckles looked up, then said "I've figured out the next friend!"

"Tails, I'm going to kill you when I get the next chance."

* * *

**And so Tails screws things up again. Who will be next on Sonic's list?**


	23. Teddy the Bear

**I'm spending so much time with friends, I can't even write a chapter a week for this!**

* * *

As the door to Knuckles' room opened, the three stooges went inside to look around. Knuckles declared "There's your next friend!", pointing to a teddy bear on his bed.

Sonic looked at it for a second, then asked "…What?"

Knuckles picked up the bear, saying "This is my best friend in the whole world! Take care of it today, OR I WILL DESTROY YOUR SOUL!" Sonic and Tails backed away abruptly.

Sonic took the teddy, then said "This'll be easy!" before tripping onto the floor, sending the teddy flying out the window.

Outside the building, some teamsters were searching for the cocaine stash they had been promised. One asked "Ok, where's the bear?"

Another inquired "What bear?"

"The bear that has the stash hidden in it!" They then saw a certain teddy bear fly out of a window. They ran towards it, ignoring the teddy bear lying on the ground right next to them.

One drive-off later, Sonic went out and found a teddy bear on the sidewalk. Assuming this was Knuckles' bear, he took it in.

* * *

A few hours later, Tails was acting a little crazier than usual. The usual would be smashing the TV. Now he was setting it on fire, then smashing it.

Sonic asked "What the hell are you doing?"

Tails shouted back "That teddy bear is great! It dispenses this awesome powdered sugar that makes you feel alive!"

One drug discovery later, Sonic decided to not tell Knuckles about this. Tails asked "Well, what do we do about this stuff in it?"

"I don't want a hyper Knuckles, so…let's get rid of it!"

"How?"

"Duh…burn it!"

As Sonic started burning some of the white powder in this ingenious plan, he soon felt strange. For some reason, he felt high. He assured himself "But…I'm burning the drugs. Therefore, there's no way I could get high off of them!"

**You idiot…**

Sonic blinked, then said "Oh!" before stopping the fire. "Well, what now?"

**For plot convenience, let's send you to the teamsters' headquarters!**

Sonic shouted "What? Why can't I just throw it away? How would I even know where they are? Why would anyone be stupid enough to-" and the next second, he was in their headquarters with the bear. "I hate you."

* * *

The teamsters were currently busy dissecting Knuckles' bear, looking for the stash. One of them decided to snort the stuffing, assuming the drug was in that form. One vomiting later, the teamsters were back to being confused.

Sonic tried to sneak by, but of course conveniently tripped and knocked over some crates. The teamsters turned around, saw Sonic with the bear, and began shooting.

Sonic waited until the gang stopped shooting, then held up the bear with a lighter in his other hand. "Stop, or I'll burn the drugs!"

One of the teamsters held Knuckles' bear at gunpoint, saying "Then we'll shoot this!"

Sonic gasped at this. Another teamster turned to the hostage-taker, saying "How did you know he cared about that?"

"No idea. Plot convenience, I guess."

Sonic walked up to them, saying "Well, I guess it's time to trade hostages." A few minutes later, he was walking out of the building with Knuckles' teddy.

**Hey, what's going on?**

"What do you mean?"

**You…you had a "trading the hostages" situation!**

"And?"

**And you actually went through with trading the hostages as intended!**

"So?"

**Haven't you watched anything ever? The "trading the hostages" situation NEVER works out as intended for both sides! Never! Either the hero does something really badass, or the villain kills their hostage, or something like that!**

"Well, it worked out here, so CENSORED off!"

So the day ended happily, with the bear safely tucked away in some closet.

However, Knuckles was watching from behind some nearby bushes "Little did you know, Sonic, that this day was all a ruse so I could plan out tomorrow! I'm tired of this wait….so tomorrow, it's going to be everything or nothing! By the end of tomorrow, I will be the triumphant one! MWAHAHA-" before coughing. He then said "Man, I've got to get something to drink!"

* * *

**As the summer wraps up, so shall this fic!**


	24. Knuckles

**Sorry I took so long…but I'm finally done with typing both parts of this finale while listening to H.P. Lovecraft Christmas carols! Yes, those exist!**

Sonic awoke in a grungy basement. It looked almost like a bathroom, and he looked around until he noticed the chain around his leg. He then asked "What the hell?"

He then heard a menacing laugh as a TV monitor overhead turned on. On the screen was somebody wearing a clown mask. It said in a deep voice "Hello there, friend. It's time for you to play a little game. Your friend Knuckles is the final one on the list. So, if you can make him happy today, you win."

"Well, how happy is he currently?"

"Not too bad. He's just currently getting lowered into a boiling cauldron and needs you to rescue him in time."

"Yes!"

"What do you mean, yes? He won't be happy if he dies!"

"Yeah, but he won't be able to take my bet money if he's dead, will he? In fact, I might claim all of his possessions after his death since he was stupid enough to not write a will!"

"I'll get-I mean, he'll get onto it sometime!"

Sonic fell over laughing, declaring "Of course he will! Good one!" Sonic then noticed that the chain on his leg had broken off from the fall. He examined the chain, asking "Huh? Why did it…is this aluminum foil? Yeah, this is! How did you expect to keep me chained up with that?"

"Well, the hardware store was all out, so I had to make a detour and-"

"Wait!" Sonic looked closely at the mask and noticed the red dreadlocks behind it. "Knuckles, is that you?"

"Um…of course not! What would make you think that?"

"You have red dreadlocks."

"Oh, so just because I have red dreadlocks, I MUST be Knuckles. There's obviously no one else in the area with red dreadlocks."

"No, there isn't."

"…CENSORED!"

* * *

Upon leaving the basement, they met up to discuss how the day would actually unfold.

Knuckles said "As you know, you have to what I demand today. And boy, I've got quite a list!", holding a paper as he said so.

Sonic muttered "If I had lighter right now…"

"What was that?"

"Nothing! So, what's first?"

"Make me a sandwich!"

One sandwich later, Knuckles demanded another difficult task: find the remote.

One couch search later, Sonic declared "What more exhausting tasks have you set forth, my liege?"

"Thou shalt…umm…go have fun with that Sally chick while I think of something."

"Wait, why wasn't she on the list of friends? I could've made her happy in more than one way today!"

"I…um…shut up. You're with me today, so let's just continue making this the last day!"

**But…that's completely ignoring one of Sonic's friends! That's not following the bet!**

Knuckles retorted "Okay, let's just look at some of these 'friends' he's had to take care of. This includes Mephiles, the Author, a random flamer he never met before, that robot of Big that had just been made, and Tails. Yeah, those are some real 'friends'."

…**Touche.**

So Sonic left for some fun, with Knuckles reminding him to be at that night's concert.

"What concert?"

Knuckles replied "The totally awesome concert that I'm in tonight."

"Wait…how did you get in?"

"After that 'Knuckles Chaotix' game, I'm officially a part of Team Chaotix. And it just happens to be that Vector is too high to play tonight."

Sonic shouted "What? But…he used up that stash two days ago!"

"Apparently it's more powerful than we thought."

So Sonic left with those plans in mind. Knuckles then grinned, grabbed the phone, dialed a number, and said "Hello, Amy? Guess what Sonic's up to? Yeah, you'll want to check this out…"

* * *

While Knuckles displayed a shocking amount of cunning, Sonic went into the woods. As he was looking for Sally and shouting, he suddenly heard a voice ask "What's the password?"

He responded "Come on, Sally! You know who the hell I am!"

The voice responded "How do I know the government hasn't cloned you into an alien robot?"

"…What?"

"You know, since pretty much everyone's a mutant alien ninja robot slave to it."

"…Okay, you've been taking this too far. Just because you're used to an evil empire ruling the land does not mean that it is currently run by one-"

Sonic heard a laugh, followed by "Fool. Just say the damn password."

He rolled his eyes, muttering "This sentence is false."

Sally jumped down from a tree above, saying "Good. Now, what do you want?"

Sonic explained "I've got to make you happy today as part of a bet. What would make you happy?"

"Overthrowing the Eggman Empire."

"…Besides overthrowing currently non-existent empires."

Sally thought, then replied "No idea."

Sonic reflected on his situation, thinking only of something that TV had taught him well: crazy chicks were better at sex.

As he and Sally started to follow his idea of making her happy, Amy stumbled in. She yelled "What the hell are you doing?"

This caused Sonic to jump and respond "Amy! Umm…w-we were just-uh-rehearsing for a-um-porno! Yeah!" This naturally infuriated her more.

**How dead is Sonic? Find out in part 2!**


	25. The End

Amy charged at Sonic, and he ran for his life…into the middle of a road.

**Look out!**

Sonic stopped and asked "Wha-?" as he was promptly hit by a truck.

**I told you to look out, you idiot.**

* * *

One ambulance ride later, Sonic was in a bed with a cast on his leg. "Why the hell does this happen to me?"

**Because it's funny. Oh, and watch out for Amy.**

"What are you talking about? She wouldn't hurt me here." Just then, he heard someone whistling "Twisted Nerve" in the nearby hallway. "Huh…I wonder who that is?"

Several clumsy incidents later, he got into his wheelchair and peeked around the door to his room. He saw Amy in the hallway, wearing a nurse outfit and eye patch while preparing his "medicine" into a syringe.

Sonic backed away, muttering "Umm…I don't get it."

**Dude, you haven't seen Kill Bill?**

Sonic thought for a moment, then said "Oh, CENSORED!"

He wheeled up to the window of his room, attempting to break through it with punches. When this failed, he smashed the wheelchair through it. Unfortunately, he forgot that he was still in the wheelchair at the time. "AUUUUGHHHH!"

One bloody crash later, he got up on both of his feet.

**How did that happen?**

"The fall corrected my leg."

**That's complete bull-aw, forget it.**

Just then, a scream was heard from Sonic's room. Realizing that Amy had found out about his escape, Sonic ran for the concert.

As Amy looked out of the window and saw him run, she muttered "So much for a murder nobody could catch me on. Where are you going?"

She then heard lots of shouting and cheering from nearby. The concert was playing. Amy remembered about the concert, specifically that Knuckles would perform there, so she decided to go ask him about Sonic.

* * *

At the concert, Sonic noticed many people leaving. "Who's playing right now?" Then he realized that no one was playing. He ran up to the stage and saw the Chaotix members crowded around an unconscious Charmy.

Espio wondered "What do we do? First Vector gets too stoned, now Charmy electrocutes himself! I told him that the wires weren't licorice…"

Sonic declared "I'll help! What needs to be played?"

Espio and Knuckles both laughed. Knuckles then said "There's no way you could do it!"

"What is it?"

Espio sighed, then muttered "Charmy played the cowbell. We need more cowbell."

"CENSORED!" Just then, Sonic noticed that Amy was entering the area. "I'm doomed! What do I do?"

**She will kill you if there's no witnesses. Potential witnesses are leaving the concert. There's only one way to keep them…**

"Let's go!" So the new trio went to the front of the stage, and Sonic began playing the cowbell better than he ever had before. Of course, he had never played it before, so it was terrible.

Amy noticed Sonic, then shouted "There you are! Let's go backstage and 'talk'!" Sonic suddenly sped up his cowbell-hitting, leading to a new type of sound. People started coming back in. Putting these facts together, Sonic experimented with this.

The numbers poured in. The power of music enchanted everyone, and Sonic managed to survive that night. In fact, he survived long enough to get the necessary restraining order. As soon as Amy inevitably broke this, it was away to the penitentiary!

Word of their music spread through the papers, the television, the internet. The sensation became bigger every day. As they climbed up the Billboard, people began to realize that the cowbell would never be treated the same again.

After becoming literally an overnight success, Knuckles was glad. He pulled out the 200 dollars that had started the whole bet, saying "You win."

Sonic turned down the money.

Knuckles was shocked. "But…why?"

"I don't need it or any bets anymore."

"Why?"

Sonic slowly turned his face into a fourth-wall-breaking position, then declared "Because I'm rich, bitch!"

* * *

**So the tale ends. With the end of this, my time on the site's pretty much done. I've got hopes and dreams to pursue that go far beyond this website. I just want to say thank you to all of the readers. You all really helped me to get through the past two years. To know that I can make people laugh, even if just a little, gives me hope. I may never return to this account, and if I do it will be many years from now, and not to write. I've got bigger plans than writing fanfics. So, for a last word of advice: enjoy yourselves. Have a fun life as I hope to do.**


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